Saturday, August 27, 2016

"Why do I like it so much?"

My new favorite thing is watching the range of emotions on a guy's face as he processes a new kinky experience.

So fucking hot. 

I'm seeing it a lot with Hando as I'm introducing new things to him regularly. And to be honest, now that I know how much it arouses me, sometimes I step things up just to see his reactions. 

I'll never forget how he looked the first time I asked him to kneel for me. The first time I made him suck my cock.

Hando's face is among the most expressive I've ever seen. I'm not sure if it's the fact that he's a performer or what but I love to watch his face when we play. 

Wonder. Delight. Excitement. Bewilderment. Surprise. Confusion. I've watched all of those and more play out across his face in a matter of moments as he processes something new. 

I see a lot of confusion. Brows furrowed for a moment or two before he melts into subbiness. 

It makes me smile. I delight in it. 

When we started down this path in March, one night he tentatively licked my ass completely unprompted. I reveled in him doing it, but I didn't realize the significance until we discussed it later. He knew I enjoyed it, but because he's a self proclaimed germophobe, he couldn't believe he'd done it. 

And he was astounded that he found himself thinking about it a lot and wanted to do it again. 

Then he was away for a few months for work but periodically, he'd articulate his desire to lick my ass. 

"Why do I want it so much?" 

I'd always snicker. And in the beginning, I also explained that he wants to please me and he knows I enjoy it. I'd tell him it's in his nature to please. That it's part of our dynamic. 

Of course it's also naughty as fuck. That has something to do with it. 

It's been a recurring question from him, though less as of late. It's not because he's no longer "leveling up" as rapidly as before though. Of course I'm still enjoying watching the conflicting emotions play out across his face, but I don't hear the question as often. I assumed it was because he knew the answer. That Hando understood his subbiness now. 

So imagine my surprise when, in the middle of an intense scene weekend before last, my pet object, a seasoned sub, blurted out, "Why do I like it so much?"

Of course I laughed. I laughed at his confusion. I laughed at the conflict so clearly written across his adorable face. I laughed at his torment. I laughed at the fact that I'm getting such similar questions from both guys I'm topping.

Not only had my pet object read my blog, he'd heard me mention more than once during conversations that there was a pretty good chance he wouldn't be putting his dick in me. Why would I when I could make him fuck me with my perfect pink dildo? 

I'd locked up his cock within an hour of his arrival. And he stayed locked up all weekend long. 

Of course I teased him about it. I asked him if he remembered how good my pussy felt. I told him he might not ever feel it again.

"Why do I like it so much?" my pet object asked as I came on the large pink dildo strapped above his locked up cock yet again. 

I laughed, of course. 

The truth is, they like it and want it so much because it's very naughty and very humiliating. It's also because they both have a connection with me and they know they're pleasing me. 

It's not enough to know those things though. The conflict continues whether they verbalize it or whether it just plays out across their faces while they process everything. 

And it's so fucking hot for me. 

Saturday, August 20, 2016

The ultimate compliment

"I trust you and your judgement. And you know what I'm ready for and not ready for."

"I do but I LOVE hearing you say that."

"I will do whatever you want."

I marvel at how safe Hando feels with me and how much he trusts me when he knows exactly what I'm capable of. 

He's read my blog. He's read the story the girl wrote about an incredibly brutal scene I did with her - one too intense to post here.

He's seen me deny my pet object. He's even commented on my meanness. 

And although I am usually capable of holding back my RAWR, he's seen me slip into the primal Domme headspace for a few moments. 

It's a place I try not to go with him. He's still so new and I feel more certain than he is that he's not ready for me to let my primal instincts free. He's not ready for the biting, spitting, face slapping let alone the stream of verbal humiliation that seems to flow from my mouth when I really cut loose. 

He knows what I'm capable of. He knows I could focus my brutality on him. In the best case scenario, he knows I could put him into a scene that pushes his limits in an uncomfortable way. 

And yet he completely trusts me. 

Am I worthy of that trust? With each deep breath I take as I fight not to sink deeper into the primal side of my Dommeness when I play with him, with each time I elect not to give voice to the naughty things in my head, as I continue to trust the instincts that have never let me wrong, I know that I am worthy of the trust. 

And yet I'm still amazed that he so completely trusts me. It's the ultimate compliment.