Monday, January 9, 2017

What I learned in 2016

In my Domme prime when I regularly considered new subs, I steered clear of newbies. I'd learned very quickly that boys who were new to the lifestyle had learned what they thought was submission from porn and didn't understand the loving relationship aspect of the lifestyle that I treasured. I found many who identified as submissive simply had a submissive fetish or two and wanted a Domme as a fetish delivery system. I've also found that newbies are more likely to disappear when confronted with a new experience that overwhelms them. They simply aren't committed because they haven't had enough experience to know definitely they are submissive and that they sincerely want D/s.

Seasoned subs understand that my pleasure comes first without me explaining it. They're basically happy as long as I'm pleased. And because they know what they are getting into, the usually don't disappear. They actually show up and they stick around through the tough stuff, even when they are overwhelmed. I enjoy the simplicity of the arrangement so when I consider a new sub, I look for a seasoned sub.

When I met Hando a year ago, I immediately disclosed that I was kinky. He wasn't kinky but mentioned a curiosity so I gave him a link to my blog.

When we started dating last spring, other than being very much a gentleman, he gave me no submissive vibes and didn't stoke my Domme fire at all.

As much as I love making a boy a subby puddle, there's a lovely freedom in having a partner I'm not dominating. I'd really thought Hando was going to be that. However, when we began sleeping together, I stumbled upon a few things that triggered a submissiveness he didn't know existed - one that I hadn't suspected was there either. One that my finely tuned Domme radar had missed.

It's not the first time I've "turned" a vanilla guy. If there's any submissiveness in a guy, I'll find it and drag it out of him. It's who I am - a sub magnet. However, I must admit, I'm always a little disappointed when that happens because I really do treasure the partners I have that do not submit.

So when I found Hando's subby triggers, I was surprised to find myself excited to show him the ropes, pardon the pun.

Why is it different with Hando? The obvious answer would be our connection and my affection for him. The fact is, when I love a sub, I'm a different Domme. Softer for sure. Perhaps more patient, definitely more tolerant and open.

Maybe it's how naturally he took to kink. It's taken very little direction or redirection to get the behavior I am looking for from him and even that has been FAR more enjoyable than I recall it being with other newbies back in the olden days when I still considered them.

I really love to watch Hando process new kinky things. He's an amazing communicator who has zero issue telling me pretty much every thought in his head and that gives me enormous insight into what's going on in there. And it's so fucking hot to be a part of that.

I must admit, I have really enjoyed watching him experience everything for the first time. It wasn't a chore. It wasn't frustrating. It was beautiful and I will always cherish being a part of that.

As I tell Hando, you never get another first time. Each first should be savored and enjoyed.

And that's how I feel about this first for me. What I learned in 2016 is that I CAN enjoy a newbie.