Thursday, August 7, 2014

It's like a real relationship

So you may have noticed I snuck in a blog last week without explaining why I have not really written in ten months or tell you what I've been doing during that time.

And if you're a long time reader of mine, you may have noticed the blog was about nodder, a former sub of mine that I began seeing almost four years ago.

Yep, he's back.

The truth is that he's been back in my life for a while now. And maybe if I'm being totally honest with myself, he'd never truly left. Sure, he'd moved a few states away. And yeah, we've both dated other people. But since he first messaged me on fetlife fours years ago, he's had my heart. It's just taken every bit of those four years for us to get our shit together and form a semblance of a healthy, sustainable relationship.

Things are really, really good for us and seem to be getting better every day. We've woven each other into our day to day lives becoming the couple I never seriously considered we could be. We know each others friends. We have TV shows we watch together. He has a shelf in my closet and some of his clothes always end up in my laundry. I have "boy soap" in my shower and a bottle of his antacid in my kitchen. He has a key to my house. He's even met my mother.

It's like a real relationship.

And while I'm still poly, I'm not seeing other guys. I've chosen to focus on my relationship with nodder and allow my relationships with my play partners to evolve into friendships.

I do still see and enjoy Elle though. She's the lesbian loophole to our monogamous relationship and one that neither nodder nor I feel that I should give up.

The D/s is still there with nodder and it's as hot as it ever was. We've even ventured into new areas of interest as well as pushed existing boundaries. But it's also different, less formal.

He's every bit as good at taking care of me as he's ever been. He still enjoys serving me and I definitely still enjoy being served. But he does it without calling me Mistress. We've somehow evolved away from the honorifics and what little protocol I previously required.  

I can't say I don't sometimes miss the more formalized D/s we once had. And I know if I wanted it back, he'd be game for it. Yet somehow, this more casual D/s relationship seems to better fit the more serious dating relationship we have now.

I also feel like I need that layer of formality less. Over the years I've grown more comfortable with who I am and I guess who I am is a little less Mistressy than I'd previously thought.

Don't get me wrong. I still LOVE control. I still love tease and denial, rope and humiliation. I still love seeing him on his knees for me and I'm still sadistic as fuck. It's just woven into our relationship so tightly that we don't need the pomp and circumstance surrounding D/s protocol anymore.

Up until recently, I've been very careful not to publicize our relationship in both our kinky and our vanilla social media circles. I've been calling him "the boy" on twitter and, until a couple of weeks ago, I hadn't been tagging him in my vanilla Facebook pictures.

It has been nice to spend these months nurturing our renewed relationship (not to mention playing) without a few thousand extra sets of eyeballs "watching." However, I've missed writing this blog very much and as I wrote "Shaved head," I knew it was time to begin sharing again through this blog.

I've realized that while our relationship is still rather fragile, I'm ready to share my happiness (and hotness) with the world again.