Saturday, April 10, 2010

Too lazy to proofread, too lazy to be MY sub

Sometimes checking my collarme mail can be down right entertaining. Below is the profile of a potential who messaged me as well as our correspondences. I've bolded the worst grammar transgressions.

Hello everyone i hope you are all doing well. please read my full profile.

i am [potential sub's username] and i am a submissive. i have been in this lifestyle since 2006 . i do not have much experience but i am willing to learn and grow. my goal is to find a domme or couple that i can serve and learn from and make happy and be theres. i am looking for a loving caring domme or couple, someone who is not to strict. i am not looking to give up all my freedoms hence me being a submissive not a slave. maybe one day down the road i will be ready to become a slave if i find that special domme or couple  i am willing to give up everything for..

i am willing to travel to find a domme or couple and meet them . i am also willing to pay for them to come visit me if need be. i am very kind, caring, smart, obedient. i am a quick learner and a gentleman. i am good at house work. cleaning, laundry, gardening, wood work, computers, cooking, i am learning to give good messages.

if i send a message please respond either way weather you are interested or not. also if i unsend a message its becuase i didnt like what i wrote and i am thinking of something better to write. i am very picky about what i say and write. i am trying to be a better writer
more to come

Messages exchange through collarme:

potential sub on 4/9/10 at 10:01 AM:
Hello ma'am how are you doing today. i hope you are having a good day and continue to and i also hope you have a good weekend. i hope we can talk if possible. I am always looking for more friends and i am very interested in talking to you and getting to know you.I am also very very very interested in talking to you about possibly being your submissive

MistressLilyana on 4/9/10 at 10:11 AM:
I'm not interested but wish you luck in your search.

potential sub on 4/9/10 at 10:12 AM:
may i ask why you arnt interested

MistressLilyana on 4/9/10 at 10:19 AM:
Well since you asked, you state in your profile you're smart, then you proceed to misspell and misuse multiple words. I realize everyone makes typos, but there are enough to make me think you're either not as intelligent as you think or you're careless. Either are turn offs for me. I do wish you the best of luck in your search though. You'll find someone. I'm just not the right one of you.

potential sub on 4/9/10 at 10:23 AM:
well to me that is not a good enough reason. people make more typos on computers especialy when they are typing fast like i am and doing a school project at the same time but if that is how you think i wish you the best of luck. may i say thought that if you have alot of small things like this that prevent you from finding someone then you should rethink everything and maybe shorten the list of what turns you off as everyone makes typos and has small problems

MistressLilyana on 4/9/10 at 8:42 PM:

The right guy for me will think enough about me to proofread his messages to me. The right woman for you won't care. Thanks for the feedback.

potential sub on 4/9/10 at 9:22 PM:
lol well see thats the problem people dont proof read alot and most of the time its spell check if they want to.. people are lazy these days in many ways

MistressLilyana on 4/10/10 at 0:18 AM:
Thanks for making my point. I don't want a sub that is too lazy to proof his communications. That means he's lazy in other areas, or as you say, in many ways.

I know your jaw is on the floor as you read my responses. You're probably thinking I'm way too nice. I always try to be respectful because you just never know when someone you meet online will get upset with you and go all stalker on you. 

Still, you never know when I'll snap on one of these obnoxious idiots one day. So if you have a collarme profile, for goodness sake, check it for grammar errors. Show the Dominants you contact a little respect and take a few seconds to proof your messages too.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

The hottest moment - by sindi

Although I am completely bi-sexual, I have not had a lot of bi-sexual experience. In fact, it has only been in the last three years that I really began to explore the lesbian side of my sexuality, and only in the last year that I finally made it happen.

So, my Mistress, along with gaining whatever benefits there are to having a sub who is brand new to BDSM, also gets the benefits of having a sub who is somewhat virgin to lesbian sex.

All of this takes us to a text conversation I recently had with my Mistress while driving back to Arizona.

Fresh from several hot sessions with her, my mind was rolling over the various scenarios we have already played out in our three-month relationship.

“What’s the hottest thing you have done with me?” I asked her, via text.

“Well, edging you 10 times was pretty hot,” she text back. “What about you?”

“I’m not saying. LOL,” I replied.

If you have followed my Mistress’s blog, you will know that we have a pretty casual D/s relationship in which joking around is highly encouraged.

However, this time, my Mistress was not in a joking mood, and I failed to pick up on that vibe in our written communication.

After she attempted several times to get me to divulge my secret, and I cutely, (I thought) evaded giving it up to her, she cut the game short.

“So, you are refusing to tell me?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I replied. “Because if I tell you, you will never do it again.”

That last comment resulted in an explosion of texts on my cell phone, as my Mistress lashed out at me for not being open with her.

She immediately forbade me from speaking to her for a full 36 hours, torture for any sub, but especially a Mistress Lilyana sub, as communication - and daily entertainment - is always a continuum.

When we finally spoke again, after the 36 hour period, I explained to her that I had thought that I was actually complementing her with my comments, and meant no disrespect to her what-so-ever.

Because it was important to me to explain my feelings correctly, we decided that I would reveal my secret hottest moment to her and her readers by blog. So here it is ...

It wasn’t the smothering. No, when she shoved my face into her wet pussy, sadistically pulling my hair as she moaned in pleasure, that was not the hottest moment.

Although she would later tell me it was one of her favorite moments - in particular my whimpering and my occasional, desperate, gasps for air while I tried to remain focused on licking her correctly. That pleased her, she told me.

It wasn’t the edging. Yes, she edged me 10 times with a Hitachi before finally allowing my aching pussy intense release. It was an exceptional experience, and my hat is off to Japanese technology, but, it was not the hottest moment.

It was not the figging.

“It’s starting to burn Mistress,” I had told her, confused about what was happening within my ass, which she had just stuffed with an object that was unknown to me.

“What is the problem?” she coyly asked me, fully aware of what I had said, as she knew the effect the ginger root produced.

“It feels hot Mistress,” I whimpered, before she proceeded to whip my ass to a bruising I had not yet experienced in our play.

No. That was not it.

It was not the clothespins. Gagged and tied to a bench in my hotel room, she lifted me to the highest levels of sub space, and actually produced my tears as, one-by-one, she clipped a whole set of clothespins to my pussy, nipples and other tender spots, before ripping them all off at once.  The pain was intense. That was not the moment.

But the tying and binding was something else.

I learned early on, well immediately, really, of my Mistress’s skills with rope.

Less than three hours after we met for the first time - and one hour after she took the liberty of planting a full mouth kiss on me in front of everyone at the Vegas lounge where we had our first date - my Mistress was tying my body spread-eagle to a bed in a stylish downtown hotel room.

As with any good Mistress, she was prepared to play.

I watched wide-eyed as she pulled out a pair of scissors from her bag, cut off my panties, and quickly fashioned them into a blindfold that she tied around my head.

I felt her strength as she held my hands down to where she wanted them, and began to kiss my mouth for a very long time. She pulled the panty blindfold down, gagging my mouth with it as she worked her way down my nude body. Then she consumed me.

The sensation was overload. I had only received oral sex from one other girl before, and my Mistress' velvet tongue showed no mercy as she dug into my flesh like the experienced bisexual woman she is.

The fact that the experience was combined with my first full body restraint experience is just magnificent luck, and I know it.

But still, as hot as my first night with Mistress was, it was still, not the hottest moment.

It was not the moment that I had treasured so much, that its secret status with me had ultimately resulted in a 36-hour suspension of our relationship.

No, that cherished moment came during our second visit together, after we had been communicating via text and telephone for about one month.

At that time, I was working to be removed from her “consideration” status, to the role of her full sub. I was still learning all that she expected of me, was busy memorizing her submissive positions, and was basically trying not to fuck up as I did that night when she arrived at my room.

“You are supposed to be kneeling at the door,” she said when I answered the door, nude, as she requested, but standing up.

Later that night, after some light play on her part, and service to her on mine, I lay on the bed waiting for her to return from the restroom.

When she returned she was in a negligee, a giant purple dick swinging in front of her crotch.

“You realize I am about to ruin you for cock,” she told me, just before I sat on the large phallus as she had ordered me to.

“Yes, Mistress,” I replied, guiding the large rubbery dildo into my wet pussy.

I rode her cock hard, occasionally looking down at her and watching as the grinding movement of my hips and pussy began to work her into a frenzy.

Then, it happened.

Pushing me off of her, she ordered me to get on all fours and face the headboard of the bed.

“Put your hands by your ankles,” she instructed me.

I did as she said, and immediately felt the tightening of rope as she bound each of my hands to each ankle with rope cuffs, a special design all her own, leaving me with my head down on the bed, my ass in the air, utterly helpless and exposed to her.

She didn’t waste a second as she forced her large toy cock back into my pussy and proceeded to fuck me like she had been born with a dick.

I listened to her groan, losing herself in pleasure, shoving the cock deep into my pussy as her movements bared down on her clit. At that moment, I realized the sadistic nature of my new Mistress. She was fucking me, and I was an object.

In my bound position, I was completely her fuck toy. A hole for her to fuck, for as long as she wanted to, and an ass to beat if she so desired. And it turned me on, immensely.

Later, I thought of the experience over and over, getting wet every time I did so.

What was it? I wondered, about me, and about her. It wasn’t like I didn’t know she was kinky and sadistic. She is a Mistress, after all. Eventually, I figured it out.

She was truly dominant. I was truly submissive. She had taken me. And it was the hottest moment.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Am I polyamorous?

I've learned a lot about myself over the past 3 years.

First I learned I am bi sexual. Mmmm that was a deliciously welcome discovery. The thrill I felt when she first said, "I think I might have a crush on you" has evolved into something I enjoy more than I ever imagined.

Then I learned I am Dominant or rather 6 identified it in me and encouraged it. This changed the way I look at men and honestly, life in general.

Both of these things have become an integral part of me.

Lately I've done a lot of introspection trying to figure out who this bi Dominant Lilyana is, how to integrate those aspects of her into her existing life and what will make her happy.

When I consider my future, obviously I don't see myself in a conventional relationship. There will be kinky aspects to be sure, possibly D/s. But lately I'm seeing clear indications that there may be more than one unconventional relationship in my future.

According to alt.polyamory, Polyamory means "loving more than one." This love may be sexual, emotional, spiritual, or any combination thereof, according to the desires and agreements of the individuals involved.

If I consider that definition, I'm definitely poly because even if I find Mr. Right tomorrow, I'll want to keep a female FWB (friends with benefits). Now that I've sampled the deliciousness that is known as woman, I don't think I can go without. And I don't want to always share that with a man, even the elusive Mr. Right.

Is there even a Mr. Right for me? My ONE? I've begun to think maybe there isn't one single person who can satisfy all my intellectual and physical desires, particularly the kinky ones.

I adore submissive men and can easily see having one in my life. At the same time, I'm still thrilled by the type of equal partnership I experienced with my FMT over the year we dated and can easily see a pseudo vanilla guy like him in my life. A consort, if you will.

And then there's the need to have a delicious woman around to satisfy my need for soft yumminess from time to time.

So I'm poly. Simple enough right?

Anyone who is polyamorous will tell you that there are challenges. Relationship challenges, just like any other, certainly, but also challenges regarding how to integrate this lifestyle into your vanilla life. What do you tell and not tell your friends and family? How do you address this with your potential partners? What are the dynamics like when you have multiple partners?

These are all questions I'm asking myself and those I know engaged in the lifestyle. I'm reading and researching and will continue to do so.

What does this change for me right now?

Very little actually. I am dating both vanilla and submissive men and I'm upfront with them about the fact that I'm seeing other men. I also let them know I expect them to be supportive of my kinky endeavors, even if they aren't include in them. So far I've been pleasantly surprised at how easy it has been to find guys, kinky AND vanilla, who are open to this kind of arrangement. Nothing has evolved into a long term relationship yet but I'm hopeful and am willing to be patient.

I have a female sub I also consider my FWB. Although admittedly, no guy has yet to protest this arrangement and I don't anticipate this being an issue.

So basically the only thing that this revelation changed is my outlook on my future. I'm not longer worried about finding my ONE. And I'm no longer worried about whether or not my ONE is submissive or if I need someone I consider my equal as my ONE. This releases me to enjoy the fabulous men and boys (and females) who wander into my life for what they are and what we have together without the pressure of monogamy and "commitment."

Is this really a revelation? Apparently only to me. Upon telling one of my pseudo vanilla best friends, she exclaimed, "Really? Really? How could you not know you're poly! It's like you've been taking all of the classes all along and just never declared your major."