Friday, February 24, 2012

Subtradiction - by the writer

Subtradiction - n. colloquial The contradictory feelings experience by a submissive who finds himself caught between two contradictory desires

It’s the best word I can imagine to describe the state I’m in.

After seven weeks of chastity, I want so desperately to cum. At the same time, I want equally as desperately to continue to suffer for my Mistress.

I am at the point where my ache is constant, where I cannot get through any task of any day without thinking of how much I want and need release, how full my cock and balls are, how badly I want to feel the rush of cum leaving my body.

How badly I want an orgasm.

How I will happily be humiliated in my cumming, to do so in a way that diminishes my pleasure and increases Lilyana’s.

And yet, at the same time, I am proud of the seven weeks I have endured and know that I can endure more. As badly as I want to cum, I want to remain chaste. I want Lilyana to laugh at my state, to take pleasure in my predicament.

I know it pleases her, and, in truth, it pleases me.

I want to cum and I want not to cum.


I want my cock wet and warm. I want my cock denied any entry.


I want my Mistress’ taste to linger in my mouth; I embrace the reality that as a long distance sub, she taunts me with the fact that I have never experienced what would assuage the pain of my chastity.


If I were allowed to cum tonight, I would wake up tomorrow wishing I were still full and suffering for her. If I am not allowed to cum, I will wake up tomorrow in an agonized state, wishing I had been allowed release.


It sounds like lose-lose but it’s not. Not for a true sub. Any choice my Mitress makes is a choice that binds me tighter to her.  That results in my suffering. That I embrace and accept and cherish.


It’s win-win for me.

1 comment:

  1. My Mistress has a rule that i may never request anything sexual. I must always wait for her to direct whatever we do. Keeping silent is very difficult for me. Yet she never knows of my desire, or even my silence, or my sacrifice.