Friday, December 30, 2011

What I learned in 2011

2011 was my hottest year yet. Hear is what I learned over the past twelve very hot months:
  1. I enjoy watersports. A lot.
  2. I have a shy bladder.
  3. Having a hot guy beg me to pee on him helps my shy bladder.
  4. If a woman promises me she won't fuck a man in my life, I should just assume that she will.
  5. While there is a growing and pervasive feeling in the kink community that male subs are devalued, my appreciation for them has grown.
  6. When I'm with the right guy I can orgasm from a bite, breath, even from a look and a nod.
  7. I love being fisted and I'm not afraid to say it.
  8. I thought I wouldn't like using a gag because I enjoy a subs reactions so much but as it turns out, gags are SO much fun.
  9. I love making someone choke on cock. It doesn't matter if I'm pushing a hot girl's head down on a guy's cock or if I'm face fucking a boy with my strap on, I just love it.
  10. People feel compelled to tell me their dirtiest, nastiest fantasies. And realities.
  11. Nothing cheers me up quite like erotica written just for me by the writer.
  12. Nothing makes me hotter than a sub's reactions to me, including fear and anxiety.
  13. There is something about a boy on his back, holding his thighs up and open for me begging for my cock that makes me smile.
  14. I can do monogamy.
  15. Wearing a man's shirt can be sexier than lingerie. Particularly with a strap-on.
  16. Just about everything is better with rope. Except when it's not.
  17. I should probably not date vanilla guys. 
  18. Top space is an amazing drug.
  19. I'm becoming more and more comfortable with not being in charge all of the time and sometimes really enjoy connecting without D/s.
  20. My instincts in regards to play and reading my sub are better nearly perfect and certainly better than my instincts in most other areas of my life.
  21. Sharing is my favorite thing.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Sharing

For me, a big part of the beauty of the ownership aspect of D/s is that I can share what is mine with others.

I share my sub and it makes me hot to do so.

The first time I shared a sub, it was with two female friends I had brought to his home. We spent an afternoon frolicking naked in his pool, drinking his booze and eating the delicious food he'd prepared and served us while wearing ridiculously frilly panties. Later, he served us an amazing seated dinner while he knelt and ate from dog bowls in the floor. Light play ensued after dinner and although I don't remember all of the details, I do recall at one point of the evening holding his face in my hands so I could watch his expressions as one friend spanked him and played with his ass while she was getting fucked by my other friend wearing my strap on.

Yeah, my friends are pretty awesome like that.

The next time I shared a sub, it was as part of a five hour scene where I allowed a Dom, a male Top and a female Top to play with my female sub. I wanted to physically and emotionally exhaust her and we certainly did. It started with the Dom forcing his cock down her throat while I watched, totally wet, and ended with the female Top and I dp'ing her while the male Top watched. She was blindfolded the entire time, tied up for a large part of the time and deprived of her sense of hearing for most of the scene. She was my toy and I shared her for use and abuse by my friends.

Then, during another debaucherous evening where everyone was naked and I had a female and a male sub there, I decided I wanted nothing more than to watch him to go down on her. I wanted to watch my female sub enjoying the skilled mouth of my male sub, the mouth I knew so well on the delicious pussy I knew so well.

I suggested it, "I'd so enjoy watching you go down on her."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"That would be hot," he said a little nervously.

When he didn't jump right on the opportunity, I tried working it from another angle, "You should really let him lick you. He's the most talented oral I've ever had."

"Whatever you want, Mistress," she responded, always the good girl and particularly anxious to show obedience to me in front of others, particularly him.

But it still didn't happen until I raised my voice. Yeah, I had to yell. "GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW AND LICK HER PUSSY!!! Do NOT make me tell you again!"

She and I were in bed, enjoying each other's nakedness. She was laying in my lap looking up at me when he finally came and knelt between her legs. He looked up at me with the same, soft subby adoration in his eyes as she had in hers.

But he was hesitant still. "Do it," I said sternly.

He started kissing her thighs, eyes locked with mine, while I played with her hair. "Oh Mistress," she moaned as he progressed. Watching him eat her pussy while he maintained eye contact with me, her squirming and moaning in my lap, was so amazingly hot. I could have watched that for hours.

I watched her excitement build and then ebb, her moans fading into sighs, over and over again. She wasn't cumming and I couldn't understand why. I knew from personal experience that he definitely had the skills to make her cum.

And then as I watched her sigh as she slipped from the precipice of orgasm again, I realized what was going on.

"Oh my God! You're edging her, aren't you?"

His mouth left her wet pussy long enough to tell me no and his eyes cut the his right telling me he was lying and that he wanted me to know that.

"YOU LITTLE SHIT. You're edging her!" I laughed. He knew he wasn't allowed to edge me and he was taking it out on her, the other sub in the room who had been arrogantly competitive with him all evening trying to prove she was a better sub than he. And he was winning.

I shared him again at a big party. It started with a very hot little femsub friend of mine almost shivering after a scene she'd had. I pushed her into his arms and told him to warm her up. I ignored his questioning look as he dutifully wrapped his arms around her and I went to find a blanket for us all. The ensuing snuggling turned into groping and pretty soon I was directing him to go down on her while I made out with her and played with her breasts. Right in the middle of the living room of the very large party.

I loved watching him lick her in all of the ways I enjoyed so much. I loved that he made her moan and gasp into my mouth as I kissed her. I loved that we were working together to get her to cum in a fairly public place. I loved sharing him with her.

The last time I shared him, it was in a very very hot threesome with a fairly kinky girlfriend. It began with me showing her how to do a little light CBT. She was a quick learner and clearly a little sadistic.

"Can I slap his face?" she asked me gleefully. She knew what he's into. And I let her. And it was hot.

We ended up in a pile of nakedness that evolved into a nearly traditional threesome with everyone licking, sucking and fucking everyone else. My strap-on made an appearance, at his suggestion, and he couldn't decide which was hotter - me fucking her with it or me getting fucked with it. It was a perfect threesome where no one felt left out. There was no jealousy. Just hotness. Mega hotness.

I've learned that I'm definitely a voyeur. Watching someone that serves me pleasing someone else at my command is even hotter than them serving me directly. 

In every instance I've shared a sub with my friends, there's been a sense of pride in doing so. That they are mine to share is a concept that is off the charts for hotness.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Truly thankful

On this Thanksgiving Day, I'd like to take a moment to express my gratitude and sincere appreciation for submissive men.

I am truly thankful for submissive men. You are the yin to my yang. Without your desire to submit, I am nothing but an aggressive, kinky bitch with a well stocked bag of sex toys.

I am continually amazed by your strength and courage to relinquish control. I am flattered when you kneel before me and lay your power at my feet. I live for the moments when you set aside your masculinity and own desires to amuse and entertain me just because I ask. You undo me when you melt at my touch, sensual AND sadistic. I love your every reaction to my actions - the gasps, groans and growls, the trembling and wincing - even the way you look at me when you're immersed in subspace.

And I'm entranced by the grace with which you do it all.

Entranced, aroused and truly thankful.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The Top Lilyana (and nodder) Posts of 2011

I'm super excited to have made the list for Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2011. I moved up to number 17 from last year's number 30 spot! I'm humbled to find myself in the company of some of my favorite sex bloggers - Dominants AND submissives - whose work I follow and admire. Congratulations to them and everyone else who made the list!

I called nodder when I found out I'd made the list. He congratulated me. Then congratulated himself. We both laughed.

Actually, nodder does deserve some credit. Most of my blogs over the past year have been about him.

But you won't see any more about nodder.

He's still around. And we're still, on occasion, creating blog-worthy scenes together. But I will no longer be writing about our deliciousness. That'll be just between nodder and me.

If you are new to my blog, or if you've missed any of the hot posts about our play, here is your opportunity to catch up. The following are (in my opinion) my hottest posts about playing with nodder:

- On planning and satisfying cravings
- 'Saving myself' or 'Maybe I'm not as sadistic as I thought'
- Peeing on nodder

He kissed me

Last week I detailed my first date with a vanilla boy who was too scared to kiss me. Since that night, he's been amazingly cute with his plotting and planning for our second date last night. And of course I haven't missed an opportunity to tease him about missing the opportunity to kiss me.

When I pulled into the parking lot of the trendy restaurant where he'd made reservations last night, he had also just arrived. He barely waited for me to get out of the car before he kissed me.

I couldn't stop grinning.

As we chatted over our dinner menus, I had begun to think that perhaps he was just anxious on our first date. That he'd let anxiety keep him from kissing me.

And then the waitress asked if we were ready to order. "It's up to her. She's in charge," he told her, nodding to me.

I couldn't help smirking when he said that. Or later when he said, "You're the boss."

In fact, throughout the evening he gave me multiple cues that he was more than ok with me taking the lead. I didn't take charge. Not really. But I could have.

Maybe it's time for me to tell him.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Mistressness (and lack thereof)

I'm in a really amazing place in my life right now. I'm very very content.

I've figured out who my real friends are and I'm working to cultivate those relationships. My new job is going great and I'm really enjoying the people I work with and this new challenging chapter of my career. Relationship-wise there are a few people in my life but none are serious. And I feel really ok with the lack of pressure that not being in a relationship provides.

I feel more content with my life than I have in years. 

So imagine my surprise to find myself in weird place in regards to D/s lately. I have been feeling a distinct lack of Mistressness.

I've been having some amazing vanilla sex with a sub, but we haven't been playing. It's not that I haven't had the desire to bring D/s into the things we've been doing. It just hasn't felt right. And of course our sex is more than just a little bit kinky. But I wouldn't call it playing. I'd call it deliciously vanilla. And I have been more than just a little bit happy with that.

Bon-bon has not been at my disposal for playing much lately. Perhaps it was because I was getting laid in the traditional sense but I hadn't been really really craving play until about two weeks ago. Luckily, that was at about the time when bon-bon's schedule enabled him to spend some quality time with me. And by quality time I mean time bent over the arm of my sofa.

Ok maybe I had not TOTALLY lost my D/s desires.

As much as I enjoyed bending bon-bon over, something just still wasn't right. I felt it even with my long distance subs. Or rather, I just wasn't feeling it. The writer has been amazingly patient and has continued to crank out my personalized erotica, but I haven't had the desire to play with him, not even to give him an assignment.

Part of it is time. My new job means I'm spending more time in the office and less time planning pervy endeavors. But it's been something else, too. Something I haven't been able to put my finger on.

What I've found interesting about it all is that even though I haven't felt very Mistress-y lately, I've still been amazingly happy. Super content with my life. I guess I've thought that D/s has been such a big part of my life that I needed it to be happy. As it turns out, I don't need it.

But I want it. Mmmm do I want it!

Whatever it was, it's over. I found it again. Last night I played with bon-bon and it was amazing. AHH MAZING. I felt great. In control.

She's BACK. And chock full of Mistressness!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Scaring vanilla boys

I had a very vanilla first date tonight with a very vanilla guy. Barbecue and shopping. It was lovely in a very vanilla way.

"You should have just kissed me," I texted him after we parted ways. I knew he'd wanted to kiss me. He'd hugged me twice. We had a couple of minutes of awkward goodbye conversation. He'd looked at me like THAT.

"I know. Too awkward for my own good. Opportunity missed. I had a nice time though. Thanks for that."

"I had a good time too. And don't worry. You will have another shot at it if you want it."

"That does sound very enticing. I'm going to take you up on that!"

Could I have ended the awkwardness and kissed him tonight? Absolutely. But then that would have ended my fun.

No, he doesn't know I'm kinky. He doesn't know I'm Dominant. Doesn't know anything about my dark side. And I'm sure he has no clue how much I enjoyed his discomfort tonight. How I grinned for nearly 30 minutes afterwards as I recalled his anxiety.

I could have kissed him. I could have ended his misery. I didn't. I was enjoying it way too much.