Wednesday, May 19, 2010

One year

Last month marked the 1 year anniversary of me being on Twitter. This month will be the anniversary of my blog. It's not necessarily a reason to celebrate but it has made me reflect.

One year ago I wasn't "out." I hadn't attended a munch, an erotic rope bondage class, a play party, anything.

Now I'm a regular in the Vegas kink community. I'm on the Board of Directors for Reverse Tensionz. I've attended one of the hottest, kinkiest, sex filled parties in town and several other lifestyle and fetish events. Moreover, I'm comfortable at these events and sincerely enjoy the company of like-minded kinksters.

One year ago I had maybe two or three friends in the lifestyle. Sure I had a few open minded nillas in my life, but no one I was close to could really identify with what I was dealing with as I found my place in the lifestyle. In addition to not having a close, understanding person with whom I could share this, I could claim not one single interaction with another female dominant. Not one.

Now I call many kinksters my friends, in Las Vegas and all over the country. My circle of friends now includes porn stars, fetish models and other sex workers. I've also met some of the top erotic rope bondage people in the country.

Yes, my circle of kinky friends is indeed more extensive. But I would be remiss if I didn't mention that I now know several female Dominants, some of whom I've met on Twitter. I even call one of them my bestie.

From my Domme BFF I've learned so much about the lifestyle. Having someone with which to collaborate on the many ways to torture boys has been wonderful. And while we celebrate all of the joys and compare notes on boys under consideration, we also commiserate on all of our challenges too.

One year ago I didn't recognize I'm polyamorous. I say RECOGNIZE because I surely have been poly for a while. However, I hadn't had any exposure to others who embraced their polyamory so I just assumed I had a different outlook on life and love and sex that didn't include jealousy.

Now I recognize I'm polyamorous and am completely open and up front about it with those with whom I choose to get involveds. I no longer think about finding THE ONE or Mr. Right and worry he won't be everything I need in real life AND in the bedroom. I also look at others who believe solely in monogamy and wish they'd open their minds a bit. I've found that when you set aside everything you've learned about monogamy being the "right" way, life is so much simpler.

One year ago I'd given up on dating vanilla guys, just after I began dating my pseudo-vanilla FMT. One year ago we were dating but not exclusive. It was about one year ago that he'd said if we did date seriously, I'd have to give up "all my other guys."

Now my FMT and I are no longer together. We dated a full year and our relationship evolved as did his feelings about monogamy and my domming. He was literally the only vanilla guy I dated up until recently, and he truly changed my outlook on things.

You could argue that I shouldn't be dating anyone not in the lifestyle, but dating my FMT showed me there are, in fact, open minded vanilla guys out there who would be OK with me continuing to dom other guys. And that I don't have to dominate a guy in order to date them. He also taught me that topping vanilla boys can be fun, particularly tying them up.

Dating submissives has been challenging in many ways, and in others, not challenging enough. I've always gravitated to submissives who are Dominant in their vanilla lives. The more Dominant they are in real life, the hotter it is for me.

Lately I'm finding myself drawn to lifestyle Doms, too. They challenge me in every way and I find I also enjoy connecting and collaborating with them about D/s. Doms seem to "get" me in ways no one else does probably because our mindset is so similar. The fact that they feed my top fantasy doesn't hurt.

One year ago I'd tried domming a female. I'd found it hot but recognized I had no driving desire to have females submit to me.

Earlier this year I had a female submissive who was easily the best submissive I've had so far. Adjusting my style for a woman wasn't nearly as challenging as I'd imagined it would be. I also really enjoyed the major benefits of getting my dose of girl more frequently. And playing with her is way off the hotness meter.

However, I've discovered that I find play with boys more intoxicating and intellectually gratifying. In the future, I'll still consider exceptional females that cross my path but I've recently grown to understand that domming male subs is what best satisfies my D/s cravings.

One year ago I'd begun to embrace my inner sadist. Through my play with my Dom friend, I'd found an enormous and inexplicable joy in hurting his cock and balls and discovered fun ways to inflict CBT. With him, I'd also just experienced my first impact play outside of spanking.

Although I'm still more sensual than sadistic, my inner sadist isn't shy at all about coming out to play now. I continued to play games with pain on my Dom friend until he moved and then I branched out to hone my skills on subs who were new to me.

In fact, I've become somewhat of an expert at converting boys who aren't into pain into pain sluts. They WANT to take pain from me to please me and I discovered that in mixing pain and pleasure, I can train them to desire both. I've also discovered it's hotter to convert a boy into a pain slut than it is to find one aching for my physical brutality.

On the topic of finding new boys, I won't list the number of boys I've talked to or even just the ones I've considered over the past year. To do so would be monumentally depressing. The good news is that now I'm much more efficient with the process and drastically better at being able to determine which boys are truly submissive, which are bottoms and which are merely kinky.

One year ago I still worried what people thought about me and my dominance. I wondered if showing my sensitive side and revealing my flaws would diminish my dominance. I was myself anyway, but I wondered what others thought.

Now I don't care. I celebrate my sensitivity and my flaws and have no qualms sharing my challenges, even my dating challenges, or my feelings through my tweets and my blogs. I make the best blond brownies ever and there are times when I've been addicted to a man. I don't mind revealing these things mainly because I know it doesn't diminish my dominance to do so.

Over the past year, I've begun to settle into my dominance. I know without a doubt this is who I am and exactly where I'm supposed to be. I love the thrill of being Dominant and know it's something I can't live without.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Dangerous curves

Three times in the past nine months a guy I've been intimate with has pulled a muscle while he was with me.

I was recounting this phenomenon to a friend when he said, "I'm all for rough sex but you sound dangerous."

Here's the funny part. One guy strained his back while making out with me. We weren't even having sex, rough or otherwise.

Admittedly, the other two were injured in the throes of sex I'd characterize as fun. I still wouldn't call it rough though.

I'm a sadist. I'm pretty sure that fact is well documented already. However, I didn't engage in any S&M activities with any of these three guys. I didn't cane them or paddle them. Nothing.

In fact, of the boys who have experienced my sadistic side, none have ever complained about the pain I inflicted. Not at all like these three guys.

From this I can state two pieces of advice, though it should be rather obvious, I'd think.

One, perhaps you should be in better shape if you want to hang with me. You can't be injuring yourself from playing with me unless you want to get redshirted.

Two, you should probably not tell a sadist like me that you hurt yourself getting frisky with me unless you fully comprehend how much I'm going to savor your pain and tease you mercilessly because of it.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Using my skills

I'm seeing a Dom now. Romantically, not for ass beatings. And no, he hasn't convinced me to submit to him.

It's been interesting, to be sure, as we are both very secure and comfortable in our dominance and neither of us is in the least bit intimidated by the other.

I love that.

It should be no surprise that I'd be attracted to a Dom. Even when I choose subs they're typically dominant in their vanilla lives. I've had three subs that were active Doms, including my very first sub. I'm attracted to strength and power. What can I say?

The first occasion 9 and I spent time together, there was some playful ass swatting going on outside the bedroom but no real D/s play. We didn't try to top one another in any kind of forceful way in the bedroom either.

The truth is, I don't desire his submission. Would it be hot for me? Fuck yeah! But I enjoy him the way he is. And I enjoy not having to always be in charge when I'm around him.

He was as respectful of me, my dominance and my expressed desire not to be topped as I was of his.

Well mostly. Old habits die hard.

I enjoy edging and using my mad oral skills to edge a guy over and over. I've often joked over the past year that I'm not sure that I remember how to get a guy to cum from oral stimulation because I have been perfecting my edging skills for so long.

I'm sure there are Dommes out there that refuse to go down on a guy but I adore the kind of control I have  when I have a guy's cock in my mouth. I just do. I love exacting each and every reaction: the sighs, the moans, the panting. I take my time and enjoy feeling his excitement build. And then I enjoy stopping him right at the precipice of that excitement and seeing the look in his eyes as he feels his opportunity to cum slip away.

So last Friday night I was demonstrating my oral skills on a boy ... er ... a man, actually. This particular man is not used to being teased and denied. Damn Doms. They usually get what they want, right?


I leisurely and thoroughly sucked his gorgeous cock as we watched a movie in no rush at all. Slowly the tension built to the point he was ready to cum and I stopped it. Once. Twice. And by the third time, moaning in frustration as I tried not to chuckle, 9 was onto me.

"Whatever do you mean?" I asked, batting my eyelashes before taking his dripping cock back into my mouth eliciting another deep sigh from 9.

I edged him four times and I'm quite certain he'll never ever forget it. He's mentioned it at least daily since it happened. And each time I smile at the memory and how cute he is to keep bringing it up.

Today he was complimenting me again on my oral skills. "You could suck start a Harley."

I laughed and started to thank him but he interrupted me. "No wait. You wouldn't suck start the Harley. You'd suck it to the point it was almost started and then you'd stop. And then you'd suck it again until it almost started but then you wouldn't let it start."

I remind him each time he mentions me edging him about how lucky he is that he's not my sub. At least his Harley has a pretty good chance of getting started. 

My boy, 9

D/s relationship status: inactive Dom (just not mine)
Relationship status: formerly dated, open relationship

9 is the ninth and final guy with the same name I'm going to date. This is it. I refuse to go into double digits. Since things didn't work out, guys with this name are now officially on my hard limits list. Read "The story of 6 and 7" for more information.

9 resides in Florida and was an active Dom with a reputation as being very sadistic. We enjoyed sharing ideas for torturing subs but we never engaged in any real D/s play with each other.

We were introduced by a mutual friend and immediately connected. Due to the 2039 miles separating us, we didn't get to spend as much time together as we'd have liked while we were dating but but we enjoyed each other immensely. We're currently friends.

Read blogs about 9