Tuesday, August 20, 2013


So I've been dating this vanilla guy for almost five months. Nothing serious, rather casual.

I like the way he asks me questions that make me think almost as much as I like the way he fucks me. 

The very first time he fucked me, I was a purring pile of goo when he left. Sated and happy, I remember laying in my bed thinking, "If I could have that kind of vanilla sex all of the time, I might be able to live without kink."

Shocking, I know. 

That euphoria lasted several hours and then the urge to dominate men returned again. Men, just not him. I didn't have the urge to dominate him then and haven't in the almost five months since. 

There's something refreshing about having a relationship without a D/s dynamic. It's freeing somehow. That's not to say we haven't talked a lot about kink. He's a curious guy and I'm not one to flinch from an interrogation. I've even occasionally been guilty of over sharing. So I've told him a lot about the things I've done and why. He's even read a few of my blogs. 

I haven't hidden my world from him.  He even follows me on twitter. 

"Sometimes when I read a Mistress Lilyana tweet, I don't think that it's you. You say stuff as Lilyana that isn't you."

"It's very much me it's just a side of me you've never seen."

"Don't get mad, but to me it's a character you play."

"You've never seen that side of me. But if you asked my close friends that have, they'd tell you it's not a persona, it's me."

Because he's never even seen a hint of the Domme within, I totally get why he'd assume Lilyana is some character I pretend to be. I just feel zero reason to be a dominant when I'm with him so I'm not. I'm just plain ole everyday me. 

I've dated Doms and vanilla guys before and although I've typically been able to keep my Domme urges in check, I've always had them. I've sometimes fought those urges but I've always had them.

But with this guy, I simply have no Domme urges at all. None.

"You're the Lilyana antidote. It's YOUR fault! I've date hard core bad ass Doms that haven't done this to me. Congrats."

"Antidote or Kryptonite?"


"Or truth serum?"

"Nah. Kryptonite maybe."