Friday, December 10, 2010

From submissive to boyfriend. Can a D/s relationship survive?

While straddling the boy, I thrust the nipple of my right breast into the his mouth and leaned into him, smothering him with my double D’s. He sucked furiously and, as he began struggling and thrashing as his oxygen ran out, the thought running through my head was “MINE. MINE. MINE.”

As I ground my hips into his, “MINE. MINE. MINE,” was all I could think.

As I raped his mouth with my tongue, as I gripped his cock so hard he winced in pain, “MINE. MINE. MINE.”

Only he’s not mine.

He doesn’t greet me by kissing my hand anymore. He doesn’t call me Mistress. He doesn’t do a dozen little things anymore because he isn’t MINE.

But the primal part of me that enjoyed owning him doesn’t seem to know that. That part of me that screams MINE even now, more than three weeks after we ended our D/s relationship as we try to patch together something that somewhat resembles dating.

I’m not the only one having these same internal conflicts. My best friend, Miss Apryl recently broke up with her collared, 24/7 slave that she'd been with for 9 months and has experienced difficulty transitioning from D/s to dating. She had so much trouble with it that she no longer has any relationship with him, in fact.

“I was just thinking we might be able to date without D/s. That was fucking stupid. I can't go back. When I found out he was jerking off without permission I nearly lost my shit. And that was after he moved out,” Miss Apryl recently revealed. “Even before that I didn’t like that he was no longer sitting to pee and every time he plopped down on the sofa, I was SO irritated.”

While their D/s relationship was in effect, Miss Apryl’s slave was require to sit every time he urinated and had to ask permission to sit on her furniture. These little rituals, like me requiring my sub to always greet me by kissing my hand, were small but meaningful reminders of their submission and indicators of their respect for us.

And we miss them.

I recognize that when non-D/s relationships evolve, it is not always without incident. This I know only too well as my friends with benefits relationship with my FMT evolves into a friendship that’s more emotionally intimate yet devoid of the yummy benefits I’ve enjoyed so much over the past two years. I’m struggling with the transition and that’s probably another blog altogether.

But I feel like the battle to turn a D/s relationship into a dating relationship is probably a lot different. Miss Apryl hypothesizes that this is probably because of the ownership element of D/s and as I reflect upon the feelings of MINE MINE MINE I’m having in regards to my former sub, I tend to agree.

"Trying to date after D/s feels like the relationship is going backwards," Miss Apryl said. "And when you have that level of commitment, you can never go back."

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Moving in and moving on

I recently moved in with my FMT. I'm renting his guest room. We're not LIVING TOGETHER.

It's a temporary thing. It works for now. It helps us both out.

We're still friends with benefits, my FMT and me. In fact, I think we've increased the friendship factor.

But the fact of the matter is, I'm living with a guy I have a history with, one that I have enjoyed fucking.

This didn't go over well with my sub.

I've never made a secret of being polyamorous. My sub knew it when he contacted me and knew that I've been seeing other guys since we've met.

So a week ago I was surprised when he admitted to feelings of raging jealousy and then verbally attacked me and my lifestyle choices.

The short version of our break up is this: he can't handle me being polyamorous.

Somewhere along the way, he'd fallen in love with me. It wasn't planned. It just happened. And he'd dealt with his insecurities and kept his jealousy under control until I moved in with my FMT. Then something in him snapped.

Somewhere along the way, I'd fallen for him too. How could I not? I enjoyed him in every way - kinky and vanilla. The play was phenomenal AND I loved spending time with him outside of the bedroom. He's smart and witty and I enjoyed his company as much as I craved his submission.  He was a guy I could almost picture building a life with.

Until he snapped.

He's not poly. He doesn't get it. He can't handle it.

It's unfortunate. It's tragic, really. I've waited so long to find a sub I connect with. One who could satisfy my needs, D/s and otherwise.

If he was a cuck, he'd be perfect.

We're at a stalemate, my (former) sub and I. He can't handle even the thought of me with other guys. I'm polyamorous.

I'm a glass is half full kind of girl so I have to admit it's probably for the best that if this was going to be an issue, it's good that it came up now. As sadistic as I am, I don't relish hurting someone emotionally and clearly I was doing that to my sub.

I just had no idea that by moving in, it meant that I'd be moving on.

Thursday, October 28, 2010


For those of you who may not know, edging is bringing someone up to the point they're ready to cum but not letting them orgasm. If you've been reading my blog a while, you know it's one of my favorite ways to exert control.

Edging a guy has become somewhat second nature to me, even when that guy is not submissive. I did it with 9 and I do it with my FMT. Both enjoyed it. Only my FMT admits it easily though. It's probably because he's not all wound up in the Dom mind set.

My FMT is what I call pseudo vanilla. He's kinky by vanilla standards but not lifestyle D/s. That's not to say he doesn't understand the lifestyle though. He had a pretty fair grasp on the subject before we met almost two years ago and has picked up a few things just from being around me.

He "gets it" but enjoys joking like he does not. He tries, on occasion, to give me a taste of what I do to subs. "I want you to feel what it is that you do your poor subs." Yes, he considers himself some kind of advocate for all male subs as if it's his job to right all the wrongs against them. And it never fails to get a rise out of me. No one could ever say my FMT doesn't know precisely how to push my buttons.

Earlier this week we were enjoying the benefits of our friends with benefits relationship when he suddenly switched gears on me. This man who seems to live to see me orgasm suddenly stopped mid thrust just as I was about to cum.

Right at the edge.

"What the fuck?!?!"

"What?" he smiled as he started fucking me again.

"You just ..." I lost my train of thought as my orgasm immediately began to build again. I heard him moan a little and knew it was in response to me tightening around him. I was ready to cum.

And then he stopped.

"Oh my God. Really??? Seriously??" I playfully smacked his face.

"Really?? Really??" he mimicked, then snickered.

"You can't do that."

"Do what?"

"You can't just stop like that?"

"Like what?"

"You can't just stop fucking me like that!!"

He laughed. "Oh can't I? Why not?"

"Because you can't!!"

"Oh yeah? Isn't that what you call edging? Hmmm? Yeah?"

"Yes but ..."

"See? See what it's like?"

"No, I don't like it!"

"Well, that's what it's like when you do it to guys! It's not very much fun, is it? IS IT?"

At this point I'm laughing. Here is this vanilla guy, the biggest proponent of edging I've seen from a guy who doesn't submit, trying to "teach me a lesson" about how terrible edging is.

Here's the thing. I really did hate it.

Now like any woman, I enjoy a certain amount of teasing, during foreplay especially.

Teasing, yes. Edging, no.

Hell fucking no.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Making the List - Top 100 Sex Blogs of 2010

Friday night I was perusing twitter when I ran across a link from @writingdirty's Jack Stratton regarding the list for the Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2010. Though I'd been thrilled to learn I was nominated, I'd actually forgotten about the list and was unaware of when the results would be posted.

So Friday night I was relaxing with my bestie, Miss Apryl, her slave and my sub when I read the news. I AM #30!!!

No, it wasn't like I got a call from the Academy or something. I wish I could say it was during something terribly sexy but it wasn't. Miss Apryl was making oatmeal cookies and the boys were watching TV.

All three of them got to see the Lilyana happy dance, we toasted with freshly baked oatmeal cookies and then the rest of the night all four of us worked into the conversation as often as possible reference to me being #30 on the Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2010.

Yep, that's how I roll.

I tell you all, my readers, this story for a couple of reasons.

There was some outrage at who was named #1, Alexa DiCarlo. Do your own research if you're interested, but the short story is that it was revealed that Alexa was not the female sex worker she presented herself as. "Her" blog was removed from the web, in response to the accuations, I'd imagine.

As a sex blogger, I understand protecting your identity. We expose a lot of ourselves in our blog and we don't need someone stalking us. What we're doing isn't critical. We aren't curing cancer here, we're writing about sex. And we're doing out here on the interwebs where you can basically be whoever it is you want to be.

And if some guy named Pat wants to say his name is Alexa and that he's a call girl, hey, he can do that. For me personally, knowing that doesn't make me want to read "her" stuff but it probably doesn't diminish the hotness of "her" blog for others.

But let me tell you about Lilyana.

I am who I say I am. I'm a lifestyle Domme in my thirties who lives in Las Vegas. But there is more to me than just what you read. I reveal what I feel like needs to be revealed in order to tell a story effectively. You don't need to know what I do for a living or about my family life in order to read and appreciate what I do in my kinky life.

The boys I write about are real. I protect their identities as I protect my own, but they are very real.

My stories are all real. Whenever I write about a scene with a boy (or the girl), they read it and ALWAYS tell me that's how they remember it too. Yes, I could embellish for the sake of the hotness of the story, but quite honestly, it's just too much trouble. For me, the truth is more than hot enough.

Yes, I realize it would be so much hotter to say that I received a call from another hot sex blogger right in the middle of some amazing scene with a hot boy, but that's simply not what happened. I found out I'd made the list while the hottest thing happening was the oven baking some really delicious cookies. And I'm ok sharing that.

I am who I am and I write about what actually happens to me. If that makes me Listworthy, then I'm glad. It is fun for me to know you actually want to read about it.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

On planning and satisfying cravings

In many areas of my life, I'm very much a planner. I like to schedule things. I like to know what I'm doing, what comes next.

But when it comes to playing with a submissive, my scenes are never planned in detail. I allow them to evolve naturally at my whim. I can be as sadistic as I am sensual and my mood very much dictates in what direction I steer a scene.

Sometimes, though, I'll want to do something that has logistical requirements. In the case of Forced bi with fireboytoy and pk, I had a finite period of time in which to execute the scene AND I needed to draft another person to assist. I can't just decide I want to force a boy to suck cock without having another cock around. It's got to be a planned thing.

Other times, I have a specific craving that simply must be satisfied.
Earlier this week, my sub and I had an opportunity to play. We've spent a lot of time together recently and have played quite a bit, but much has been impromptu. In other words, it's been mostly unplanned play that occurred no where near my toy bag, no where near my rope.
I've enjoyed every moment of this "stolen" time together, but there's something extra sexy about playing when you've been looking forward to it, anticipating it, even *gasp* planning for it.
My sub knows me well. He knows I don't like to plan details of a scene. He often teases me about it. But I did let him know I wanted to do rope. That I was craving it.
He'd arrived at our hotel suite before me and was happy to report that there was plenty of bondage friendly, sturdy furniture. Upon my arrival, I evaluated what I had to work with and settled on the big table like desk. My sub pulled it into the center of the room where I could have plenty of access to all sides of it, and him, once he was tied to it.
While he changed into a very humiliating pair of fru fru panties, I slowly unpacked my rope and other toys, pausing to consider my options and snickering at my own wickedness.
I tied a length of rope to each wrist to create cuffs I could use to tether him and then bent him face down over the desk, lenthwise, so that he was stretched across the smooth wood and almost on his toes. I tied each rope to a leg of the desk securely and then slowly circled my tethered prey. I giggled at the view of his ass, bent over the table with the ultra feminine thong, its ruffle around the waist almost a skirt, and heard his wince muffled against the wood of the desk.
Sliding my hand between his legs I found his cock hard from the humiliation of the panties and in anticipation of what was to come.
Or maybe it was my laugh. It seems that my laugh is his kryptonite. But that's probably a whole other blog.

I left him there while I retrieved a towel, lube and a butt plug.  I donned one rubber glove with a snap and pulled his pretty panties down.

"With your panties down around your knees like this, you reminded me of a naughty little girl about to get a spanking," I said as I applied lube to his asshole. He whimpered in response.

I played with his ass until he was gasping and then inserted a butt plug and pulled his panties back up to keep the butt plug in place. I continued to tease him, relishing every whimper, every moan, and then I switched gears.

From my toy bag I retrieved the fairly large purple dildo I used with my strap on until I broke the harness on the girl last spring. I used the flat base that acts as a suction cup on smooth surfaces to stick it to the desk in front of my sub's face but not before I'd smacked him in the face with it, taunting him with the length and girth.

"Suck it."

Tied across the desk with my big purple cock in his face, he looked up at me with big brown eyes, wincing in the way that makes me so so wet just before starting to lick it slowly. I watched him closely, holding the base as he teased my dildo with his mouth. Impatient with his prudishness, I grabbed the back of his head and forced it down on the dildo until his lips touched my hand. He gagged a little, making me even wetter, and I taunted him with talk about sucking real cock for me one day.

His whimpers, gagging, wincing and rapid breathing turned me on so much, I had to do something about it. I moved a comfortable chair directly behind him, yanked the dildo out of his mouth and made myself comfortable. With one leg draped over the arm of the chair I pushed the purpled dildo into my wetness easily not bothering the stifle the moan that errupted.

My sub tried to turn to see me as I described how good the big cock felt inside me but my ropes kept him virtually immobile. Watching him struggle to see me made me even more excited.

I propped one foot up on his ass but not before I used my toe to push the butt plug just a bit deeper in his ass. I laughed at the view - my foot on his obviously manly ass, butt plug clearly visible between his butt cheeks as he's bent over wearing pretty panties.

I knew how badly he wanted to watch me masturbate. We'd discussed it several times. I'd taunted him with it before, IMing him or texting him, teasing him with the knowledge that I was masturbating and he couldn't watch.

There we were in the same room and he still couldn't watch. And it was killing him.

Having him bent over for me, in rope, using him as a foot stool as I masturbated with a perfectly sized dildo turned me on too much. Though I savored every moment, he wasn't struggling to turn and see me long. I tried to put it off, to delay my orgasm, but I came pretty quickly.

I put the purple dildo, still wet with my juices, in front of his face and watched him clean it thoroughly and eagerly.

Yes, he was allowed to satisfy of his craving too. His craving to taste me.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Poly by permission

I’m poly. This is no secret to the boys I see, vanilla or kinky. It can’t be. It’s a part of who I am.

When I began seeing my sub almost two months ago, we discussed polyamory. He’d been a live-in submissive to a married Domme whose husband was a Dom and also had a live in sub, so he’d experienced poly. However, he’d never been allowed to see anyone but her, never experienced how it is to maintain multiple relationships himself.

As a Dominant, I realize I’m perfectly within my rights to ensure my sub doesn’t see anyone else while they are with me. What’s good for the goose doesn’t necessarily apply to the gander.

But I’m also fair.

Early in our relationship I let him know I’d be open to allowing him to date but that he’d need to ask first.

“So let me get this straight. You’re poly and I’m poly by permission.”

I laughed and said yes.

So yesterday the subject arose and he asked permission to date. He is seeing me date other guys and wants to experience polyamory himself.

My first instinct was to react with "MINE MINE MINE" like a child who has been asked to share her toys. I can't help it. But after a little discussion, my reasoning prevailed and I agreed. However, I advised him there would be parameters.

Of course he’s going to have rules.

  1. You may spend no more than 30 minutes a day on dating websites corresponding with and screening potential dates.
  2. An hour or less before any date, you must masturbate, cum and consume your cum. Unless you are in chastity at the time or doing a special assignment for me, assume you have permission to cum in this scenario so you don’t need to ask. However, you should text me and let me know you’ve done it.
  3. No kissing on the first date.
  4. You must wear panties on your first 3 dates.
  5. Text or call me after each date. I don’t expect a report unless I ask but I want to know you’re home safe.
  6. I own your orgasm. If you plan to have sex, you must ask permission.
  7. Ensure she’s clean. ASK.
  8. Use protection during sex.
  9. You can’t take anyone on nicer dates than you take me.
  10. You may not submit to anyone else.
  11. She may not leave any visible marks on you.
  12. You should keep me updated as things progress so that we can decide when it is appropriate for her to learn about your lifestyle and me.
  13. I am your number one priority. I get first dibs on your time.
The idea of the rules isn't to make dating difficult for him, though reading over the rules one might assume that's the case.

Hey, if I'm going to share my toys, it's going to be on my terms.

Friday, October 8, 2010

The soup or the can

When a man is sick or in pain, it's as if the world is coming to an end. This is a universal truth that no one can argue.

My typical reaction is one of disgust. Perhaps this is because my ex husband's illnesses were never minor. A sniffle was a sinus infection. A cold? Always the flu. He twisted his ankle once but came home with a supposed physician diagnosis of "a severe severe sprain." No, that's not a typo. He actually said "severe severe."

Believe it or not, I do have a nurturing side. And I make damn good chicken noodle soup. The best you've ever had.

So when a man in my life becomes sick or hurt, it's interesting to see how I respond, even to me. I'm usually surprised to see who evokes my nurturing side.

Will I have the urge to make him chicken noodle soup or will I just want to throw the can at him?

When my FMT fell and injured himself a year ago, I made him fresh ice packs and checked his scalp laceration ever so often. I made him take ibuprofen and brought him refreshments. Then, after he mentioned going to the ER three or four times, I began to get annoyed.

But when my cutie consort was sick recently, I found myself wanting to make him chicken noodle soup. This surprised me. I mean, I enjoy him a lot but we haven't been seeing each other long enough for him to evoke my nurturing instincts, I'd think.

Then again, my ex husband didn't make me want to nurture him AT ALL and we were married for years.

When I commented on this to my sub recently, he asked me, "So do I get the soup or the can?"

"You get soup in a dog dish in the floor."

His reply? "Well at least it's soup and not dog food."

My boy, my cutie consort

D/s relationship status: none

Relationship status: dated briefly

My cutie consort and I connected on a vanilla dating website where he'd contacted me hoping I'd be more sensitive to him being bisexual because I am also bi. In that regard, we're very much alike. We both enjoy physical relationships with the same sex but seek a more traditional heterosexual relationship with our primary partner. We began dating in August of 2010 and are enjoyed getting to know each other while we dated briefly.

In addition to being bisexual, my cutie consort has a bit of a kinky side. He's intrigued with BDSM and has engaged in a few activites that pique his interest. He was eager to learn more and more than a willing pupil. I didn't seek to dominate him in a traditional D/s fashion but had looked forward to topping him and co-topping with him.

My boy, nodder

D/s relationship status: submissive

Relationship status: dating

It took him six months to earn the nickname 'nodder.' Prior to making me cum with a nod and earning that nickname, I'd simply referred to him as 'my sub' or 'my (fomer) sub.' He's originally from the northeast and is in his late thirties. He's an experienced submissive who enjoyed just about any kind of humiliation I can throw at him. He contacted me in August of 2010 at a time when I'd pretty much given up on finding a good sub. He charmed me with his incredible wit as well as his sincerity and I have enjoyed the four years we we've together (off and on) whether he was on his knees before me or not.

Read blogs about my (former) sub aka nodder.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Sir, please get on your hands and knees - by last ass bender

One of my twitter followers, @LastAssBender, contacted me to let me know how inspired he was by my blog, Smart Boys with Waxed Assholes. I hope you enjoy this story about his adventures in waxing. - Mistress Lilyana

I am a straight guy in my mid twenties. Like most men I know, I am pretty demanding in my job, I am tough, I don't overdo it, it is just the way I am. I am a man's man.

But about five years ago, I had a Brazilian girlfriend, who got me drunk and touched my ass in a way no woman has ever touched it before. And since then I have been a changed man. Since then I have been bending my ass to women I have loved and adored. Since then I have become more and more submissive in the bedroom and behind closed doors.

Six months ago, my girlfriend and I broke up after a year of dating. To date, this has been the most sexually submissive in a relationship, one that saw many sexual experiments and pushed further my limits.

After the break-up, I will admit, I have been feeling the withdrawal symptoms of the sexual humiliation. I had never felt this before, not after the termination of other relationships that involved that kind of play. But now, I feel like a ravaged dog, who can't have enough.

So a couple of months ago I go on twitter, discovering this new tool of socializing, and I start following many people, and among which one stuck out, Mistress Lilyana. I started reading her blog and I thought, this is the kind of domination I like, perhaps not the forced bi stuff, but I am truly digging this!

Then one day, she posted something, something that made me shiver and drool. Her Smart Boys with Waxed Assholes just triggered a buried desire in me. I recalled when my ex-girlfriend asked me several times to get a "deep bikini waxing" and I adamantly refused even though secretly I have masturbated about her request hundreds of times.

Reading Mistress Lilyana's blog made me realize that I had to do it, at least for myself. So one morning I mustered up the courage and decided to start calling local waxing places.

Some of the responses I got were so humiliating, maybe not in what was said but the change in the tone of voice was enough to make me wish I had never called, but I continued calling. Finally, I found a place that heard my manly voice and said yes we can give you an appointment. I was ecstatic!

The next day, I left work, got in my car and rushed to my 5:30 PM appointment. I got to the place, parked the car and sat there for a minute. I had second thoughts, doubts and fears. Somehow I mustered enough courage to go in.

I walked in and was greeted by the receptionist who asked me if I had an appointment. I gave her the time of the appointment and the name of the woman who was supposed to rid me of my pubic hairs. She seemed confused but not too concerned.

My humiliator came along and looked at me and in broken English loudly announced, "No! I cannot do this! I only wax women." The entire place stopped, turned and looked at us. I ran out.

Driving my car away I was so angry and felt emotions beyond humiliation. Surprisingly enough, I was now more determined to get this done so I got on my phone and started checking listings. Along the search I saw a listing for a place that offered "Male deep bikini waxing." I called them and asked if I could come in immediately.

25 minutes later I walked into the salon where three women are sitting casually reading magazines. They glanced at me without much interest and went back to the fashion tips and the dieting suggestions. It was only when the young Indian woman that ran the place came out of the operations room and said, "You must be the guy who called for the bikini waxing," that their eyes lit up with curiosity. I tried to ignore it. Maybe it was partially in my head.

I walked in the room where the lady asked me to get undressed, bottomless and keep my shirt on. After she left, I took off my jeans and my boxers and lay down on the bench bare to the world. Then she came back into the room.
"So what are we doing today?"

"I … would like to get waxed"

"Well, do want just your bikini area? Do you want a deep waxing? No legs or arms?"

"No just the bikini area, but what is the deep waxing? Sorry it is my first time."

"Oh, that's ok. Deep is when we get deep between your cheeks."

"Ahh, yeah let's do deep." (Secretly I wanted to say, "Can we just do deep over and over?")
She started off with the pelvic area, then the penis and the balls. Let me tell you, there is nothing erotic about it. It was so painful. She kept making small talk and I tried to respond between my clinches. I could tell she chuckled every time I would be mid response and she would yank that strip.
"Next time try to trim your hair a little bit, it will hurt less."

"Oh yeah? (clinch) Is that why it is hurting so much?"

"Well, yes and no, its also because you have sensitive skin and you seem like a cry baby."(giggles)

"Oh, I guess I don't take pain too well, especially down there."

"You will get used to it. I am assuming this won't be your last time."

"I don't know." (clinch)

"It won't be, I don't think. Most guys come the first time, they leave mortified because of the pain and then they come back. It just feels so good and clean you know?" (yank)
After a few torturous minutes, my cock and balls were as hairless as young boy's private parts. Now came the really humiliating part.
"Ok, we are done with the front. Now I need you to get on your hands and knees."


"Excellent. I need you to put your face down on the pillow and lift your behind up in the air. Also, I need you to use your hands to spread your cheeks."

"Like that?"

"Yes, just try to spread it further."
And here I was, face on a pillow, on my knees, bottomless with arms reaching back to spread my ass to a woman that I have never met that was about to wax my asshole.

She proceeded to do her job, placing hot wax all over my ass and I couldn't help to be a bit turned on. I tried so hard to focus on not getting hard and I did not. Then in the midst of the small talk she said something that I never expected to her.
"Huh, now if I see you on the street I will not recognize you. You will have to bend over for me to know who you are."
I was shocked, ridiculed and did not know what to say. So I just laughed.

I was so sore. I put on my clothes and went out to the register in the lobby where there were women waiting their turns to get waxed.
"Ok, that will be $XXX. You will need to rub the waxed area with lots of coconut oil to remove the excess wax and to sooth it a bit, since it is your first time and all."
I looked around and saw her clients staring at me, at us, hearing her words to me awaiting my response. I was frozen and for once in my life so shy in a public situation.
"Alright then, I will book you for your next waxing in 4-5 weeks. You don't want the hair down there to get too long or else it will hurt as much as this time."
I just nodded my head in agreement.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Smart boys with waxed assholes

Two nights ago I had a conversation with babyboy that reminded me why I enjoy intelligent boys above all else. They are feisty. They are a challenge. And they are never boring.

Below is our IM chat history about the Brazilian I have planned for him.

Me: I wonder if you'll scream when the guy waxes you. Your asshole that is.
babyboy: the guy?
Me: The waxer. He's male.
babyboy: on come on, cant you have a woman do it?
Me: I suppose I could but he comes recommended.
babyboy: so?
Me: He does 10 - 15 male Brazilians a week The guy at the salon I called says he sends all his male Brazilians there. To this one guy.
babyboy: you want me on all 4s, while a guy puts wax on my ass and balls?
Me: Or whatever position he wants you in.
babyboy: youre so bad.
Me: You have no idea.
babyboy: that would be very fucking humiliating...
Me: Oh really? Would it? I had no idea.
babyboy: uh
Me: I can't wait!
Me: His name is Richard
Me: He was very nice over the phone.
babyboy: fucking a're mean ... cruel ... wonderful.

I tell him the name of the salon and where it's located.

babyboy: i know the place... i was staring at the sign, while i was running on the treadmill...
Me: Well there's a guy in there who is going to rip all the hair off your asshole and balls.
Me: I want you to think of 6 questions you can ask him about the procedure or aftercare that you can ask before the procedure.
babyboy: like what?
Me: LOL. It's YOUR assignment baby. You figure it out. I'll want to see them before we go. So you might want to write them down as you think of them.
babyboy: yes Miss, i imagine, youll be watching it.
Me: Of course I will. And listening to you ask 6 questions about it :D
babyboy: lol...
Me: At least I'm not telling you what to ask. However, if I don't find your own questions to be intelligent, I may replace them with my own.
babyboy: im going to be an attorney, i can come up with very benign questions... whats the temp of the wax, will it hurt, how long will it take to grow back, how long does the precedure take, whats your experience level, and whats your name.
Me: LOL. Maybe 10 questions would be better.
babyboy: how long have you lived in vegas, where did you go to beauty school at, do you get paid by the hr or commision, are tips allowed?
Me: LMAO. Damn. YOU are not playing fair.
babyboy: im good at this...
Me: But ok. I'll give you credit. Damn. A challenge. I love it.
babyboy: i can keep going.. come good stuff like that...i have lots of game.
Me: Clearly. What are 3 questions you could ask him that would humiliate you? Without doing so to him.
babyboy: wouldnt you be more suited to think of them? because i can pose questions, which could be humiliating but, really arent.
Me: It's hot when remind me you're intelligent, I must say. I want you so badly at my feet right now
babyboy: lol....thank you.
babyboy: im good at this stuff bread and butter.
Me: 3 questions that would honestly humiliate you and not him.
babyboy: should i cut and paste, what i just wrote...the point is a bit moot. dont you think?
Me: I'm asking you to be honest with me
babyboy: what would you like to you want me on all 4s sir, will you be bleaching my ass, too......if i get hard, will you be mad....
Me: Would that do it for you?
babyboy: my cock did just get alittle semi...

His last proposed question, "If I get hard, will you be mad?" was my favorite because it sounds SO submissive. 

babyboy: what would you do, if that actually happened? if I got hard?
Me: LMAO. What do you think?
babyboy: im sure you would fucking love it.
Me: I would

Thursday, June 24, 2010

My poly partners' other partners

Being poly, embracing polyamory, is still quite new to me so a lot of what I'm encountering as I sort through poly relationships with my partners is new.

What's new and even more unexpected is the fact that I'm sorting through the poly relationships my partners are having with others too.

During the short time I was with 9, we'd established that we were to be each other's primary partners and that we'd pursue other relationships outside that. These were to be primarily D/s relationships since we were both Dominant and topping each other was not an option.

9 decided to consider a femsub he'd previously dated and actually brought into the lifestyle years ago. We talked extensively about this. I urged him to be clear with her so that she understood what he wanted from her. I didn't want her to mistakenly think that there was a long term relationship in their future when he wanted her friendship and submission only.

I didn't want to be involved in direct communication with her. I just thought this was between them. Fairly quickly though I was sucked into being friends with her and I found it more pleasant than I anticipated. She did understand her "place" in things but still had lots of questions about how this poly relationship would work. I think the ease of which she was handling things surprised even her and was mostly because she liked me.

Had things worked out, I'm not sure where things would have gone with 9's sub and me. But after 9 walked away from me, her and the lifestyle altogether, 9's sub and I were left to scratch our heads and wonder what the fuck happened. Together.

In the week since the break up, we've grown quite close. As different as our relationships were with 9, there are similarities and it's weird but nice we can help each other through this. At the same time, it's distracted me somewhat from my own process of getting through the breakup.

In many ways, her attachment is so much stronger due to the past they shared. I diagnosed her early after they breakup as having an addiction to Man Crack, with 9 being her drug of choice. So I've spent a lot of time helping her through all of this much in the way you'd help a friend whose boyfriend dumped them. Only it was MY boyfriend who dumped her.

With another poly partner, I've spent some time coaching his prospective poly partner. I've answered questions and tried to give examples that might make sense.

He's already got a primary partner. I went into things with him knowing that wouldn't change, not even trying to seek a relationship with him and then being a little surprised to find myself in one.

I look at what we have now much like friends with benefits with a deeper connection. He won't ever be my primary partner. I'm not sad about this and am happy to enjoy him just as he is.

I suppose this was easier for me because I am polyamorous. For his other poly partner, it has not been.

As we've gotten to know each other, she and I have grown into a real friendship. We have a lot in common so it's been easy to enjoy getting to know each other. Still, I steered clear of talking to her about their relationship. I knew she had real concerns about engaging in a polyamorous relationship but I refrained from talking about her relationship with him, and my relationship with him, until she was ready.

When she did want to talk about it, I found it difficult to navigate the subject without stomping on the land mines. I tried not to use my relationship with him as an example and tried not to go into too much detail.
I tried to be a friend without meddling, but occasionally the craziness of what I was doing struck me and I almost had to laugh. I was helping a guy I adore get another girl. And I was helping that girl understand why she could and should be with that guy.

Compersion is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

I am not his primary partner. I'm not setting rules. And she's not his submissive. My role is simply to be his friend. Now, I'm hers because of that. And the fact that I adore her.

Perhaps I'm lucky that in both situations, my poly partners' other partners are women I adore.
Maybe I should just chalk it up to the fact that I happen to choose men who have excellent taste in women.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The questions I ask boys

With the number of guys I screen, for the position of submissive as well as that of my boyfriend, you'd think I have a set of standard questions I ask. An interview process.

I do not.

I tend to let the get to know each other thing unfold naturally. Truth be told, I enjoy seeing what kind of initiative a guy will take in asking me things. It's often a good indicator of his level of interest in me. The types of questions he asks also tells me if he's interested in me for more than just sex and/or my Domme skills.

I do pepper the conversation with casual questions of my own. I ask about their family, in particular about their nieces and nephews and how close they are with them. I ask them to tell me about their best friend. And from these types of questions I can learn how much (or little) he values relationships.

There are others I ask that help me determine if our likes/dislikes might mesh well. They're probably the same questions asked all over the world in various languages by people trying to get to know one another.

My current favorite question to ask is "What kind of porn do you watch?"

Let's face it. Everyone watches porn. But the style of porn that you choose is very telling.

I recently asked this of a guy I grew up with and reconnected with a few years ago. He knows I'm Dominant. He's one of three people I grew up with that know. I've suspected that beneath his tough guy exterior was a boy who was submissive in the bedroom even though he's never hinted at any submissive like fantasies. I suspected because I saw his interactions with his ex wife. I've also seen indications in his writing when he describes his ideal relationship.

This guy and I have known each other probably 27 years. We're closer now that we ever were before but it's almost familial.

So we're talking about porn one night and I ask this guy, this man who is like a brother to me, "What kind of porn do you watch?"

Without hesitation he answers, "CFNM and the ones where the guy gets taken while he's sleeping."

I burst out laughing. First, he has stunned me by using the term CFNM (clothed female nude male). Of course I know what it means but I dare say most men do not. Secondly, he has confirmed what I've suspected; that he's sexually submissive.

I told him this. He admitted it's probably true in a non-begrudging way. And now he calls me Mistress.

My old favorite question was "Describe your bed linens to me." I ask this question for a few reasons. First, it gives me an idea of how much they value the comfort of their bed. I also enjoy seeing how they describe their sheets. Do they know the thread count? Can they articulate the color better than simply blue or green? Lastly, I enjoy being able to picture them in their bed when I'm talking to them. Or tied to it anyway. Having a description of a boy's bed linens helps in this endeavor.

A few times I've be surprised with the answers. The 40-something cable guy with the black silk sheets, for instance.

I recently asked this of a local Dom friend of mine. "Blood red, 350 thread count, Italian cotton."

I was instantly wet. "That's hot." He knew his thread count, he described the color precisely. Hell he even knew where the cotton came from. Hotness.

"Silk is overrated. Rubber is too hot. Flannel is awesome. And a huge feather mattress and feather comforter."

Yum. I love it when a man cares about his bed. That means he'll care about taking care of me while I'm in it.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Show me that you love me. Or my blog.

Nominations are now open for the Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2010. If you enjoy my blog, please go to this link and post a link to my blog in the comments. That nominates my blog for Sexiest Bloggers of 2010. And makes me feel loved.


9 broke things off this morning. He has reconnected with an ex girlfriend he still has feelings for and wants to pursue things with her. She's not poly or in the lifestyle so he feels he needs to walk away from me and the lifestyle in order to be with her.

To an extent, I understand this. I've recently reconnected with my FMT, the vanilla guy I dated off and on last year. I had intended to explore things with him even before 9 broke things off so I totally get that he feels the same. I wouldn't have ended things with 9 to do it, but I didn't have to. Having an open relationship allows you certain flexibilities like that.

But back to this morning.

I was stunned that less than a week after we declared ourselves in an open relationship 9 was breaking things off. Immediately after our conversation, one of my main thoughts was "I don't want to be alone right now." Some people need to be alone in times like this. I need people.

I knew my FMT wasn't working. I called him up and asked him if I could spend the day with him. He agreed.

It was a dangerous idea. It was reckless and I knew it and I went there anyway. When we were together our chemistry was epic and I correctly assumed it hadn't diminished sufficiently in the five months we've been apart so of course we ended up in bed.

But alas, this blog is NOT about hot reunion sex with my FMT. It's about horoscopes.

I hadn't been there long when my FMT told me to check the newspaper for his horoscope.

"You're not going to believe what it said," he told me.

I fumbled through the paper until I found it:
Don't be surprised if a close friend expects both moral and material support from you because clearly owe him/her that much. Do what you can on his/her behalf.
I looked up and him with big eyes, "Oh my God." Then I laughed, "YES you totally DO owe me!"

"Yes, I know," my FMT admitted. Part of the reason he wanted to reconnect with me was to apologize for the way he treated me while we together, in particular, for our break up.

Then I joked, "Damn I should be asking you for money too!"

Then I found mine:
Finding time to spend with someone you've been yearning to see might unexpectedly open up for you. However, you might still have to make some fancy excuses to take advantage of it.

"Holy shit that's creepy!" We both laughed.

"YEARNING to see, Lilyana? Have you been YEARNING to see me?" my FMT joked, never missing an opportunity to harass me.

"Oh whatever," I tried to laugh it off. Then only slightly more seriously, "You already knew I wanted to see you."

It appears the stars were aligned perfectly for my FMT and I to spend time together today. On the heels of a break up with 9, one might even go so far as to say it's some kind of sign my FMT and I should be together.


I'm grateful we've reconnected. I'm grateful he was there for me today as a friend. I'm super grateful for the hot reunion sex.

What does the future hold for my FMT and me? We've settled on a FWB (friends with benefits) relationship. It's worked for us before. But will it work for us again? Only the stars know.

And don't think I won't be checking my horoscope every day

Monday, June 14, 2010

Sex with a sadist

9 enjoys nibbling. Actually, he enjoys biting, but he knows better than to REALLY bite me.

Still, he gets a bit carried away with it occasionally and provokes an audible response from me. Yes, I can admit it. 9 makes me squeal sometimes.

He seems to enjoy making me squeal. Relishes it. My squeals make him chuckle. My squeals make his cock hard.

I don’t know why this surprises me. I really don’t. I should know better. He's a Dom, I'm a Domme and really, what else makes me hotter than making a sub gasp, moan, squeal or even scream?

No, I’m not submitting to 9. I’m not even bottoming. In fact, we steer clear of D/s play altogether. Or as much as two skilled Dominants can,  I suppose. Even as careful as we are to avoid trying to avoid topping each other, elements of our Dominance seep into our vanilla sex. I chronicled my own in my blog, Using my skills. 9 jokes a lot about topping me but his biting is the first real evidence I’ve noted that indicates there are elements of his Dominance he may be unable to contain while he’s with me.

Like me (probably more so), 9 is hardwired to be sadist; to enjoy someone else's pain, particularly pain he inflicts on others. It’s the fact that he’s enjoying MINE that is surprising to me, I suppose. I’m used to being the one relishing my partner’s reaction to pain.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

One year

Last month marked the 1 year anniversary of me being on Twitter. This month will be the anniversary of my blog. It's not necessarily a reason to celebrate but it has made me reflect.

One year ago I wasn't "out." I hadn't attended a munch, an erotic rope bondage class, a play party, anything.

Now I'm a regular in the Vegas kink community. I'm on the Board of Directors for Reverse Tensionz. I've attended one of the hottest, kinkiest, sex filled parties in town and several other lifestyle and fetish events. Moreover, I'm comfortable at these events and sincerely enjoy the company of like-minded kinksters.

One year ago I had maybe two or three friends in the lifestyle. Sure I had a few open minded nillas in my life, but no one I was close to could really identify with what I was dealing with as I found my place in the lifestyle. In addition to not having a close, understanding person with whom I could share this, I could claim not one single interaction with another female dominant. Not one.

Now I call many kinksters my friends, in Las Vegas and all over the country. My circle of friends now includes porn stars, fetish models and other sex workers. I've also met some of the top erotic rope bondage people in the country.

Yes, my circle of kinky friends is indeed more extensive. But I would be remiss if I didn't mention that I now know several female Dominants, some of whom I've met on Twitter. I even call one of them my bestie.

From my Domme BFF I've learned so much about the lifestyle. Having someone with which to collaborate on the many ways to torture boys has been wonderful. And while we celebrate all of the joys and compare notes on boys under consideration, we also commiserate on all of our challenges too.

One year ago I didn't recognize I'm polyamorous. I say RECOGNIZE because I surely have been poly for a while. However, I hadn't had any exposure to others who embraced their polyamory so I just assumed I had a different outlook on life and love and sex that didn't include jealousy.

Now I recognize I'm polyamorous and am completely open and up front about it with those with whom I choose to get involveds. I no longer think about finding THE ONE or Mr. Right and worry he won't be everything I need in real life AND in the bedroom. I also look at others who believe solely in monogamy and wish they'd open their minds a bit. I've found that when you set aside everything you've learned about monogamy being the "right" way, life is so much simpler.

One year ago I'd given up on dating vanilla guys, just after I began dating my pseudo-vanilla FMT. One year ago we were dating but not exclusive. It was about one year ago that he'd said if we did date seriously, I'd have to give up "all my other guys."

Now my FMT and I are no longer together. We dated a full year and our relationship evolved as did his feelings about monogamy and my domming. He was literally the only vanilla guy I dated up until recently, and he truly changed my outlook on things.

You could argue that I shouldn't be dating anyone not in the lifestyle, but dating my FMT showed me there are, in fact, open minded vanilla guys out there who would be OK with me continuing to dom other guys. And that I don't have to dominate a guy in order to date them. He also taught me that topping vanilla boys can be fun, particularly tying them up.

Dating submissives has been challenging in many ways, and in others, not challenging enough. I've always gravitated to submissives who are Dominant in their vanilla lives. The more Dominant they are in real life, the hotter it is for me.

Lately I'm finding myself drawn to lifestyle Doms, too. They challenge me in every way and I find I also enjoy connecting and collaborating with them about D/s. Doms seem to "get" me in ways no one else does probably because our mindset is so similar. The fact that they feed my top fantasy doesn't hurt.

One year ago I'd tried domming a female. I'd found it hot but recognized I had no driving desire to have females submit to me.

Earlier this year I had a female submissive who was easily the best submissive I've had so far. Adjusting my style for a woman wasn't nearly as challenging as I'd imagined it would be. I also really enjoyed the major benefits of getting my dose of girl more frequently. And playing with her is way off the hotness meter.

However, I've discovered that I find play with boys more intoxicating and intellectually gratifying. In the future, I'll still consider exceptional females that cross my path but I've recently grown to understand that domming male subs is what best satisfies my D/s cravings.

One year ago I'd begun to embrace my inner sadist. Through my play with my Dom friend, I'd found an enormous and inexplicable joy in hurting his cock and balls and discovered fun ways to inflict CBT. With him, I'd also just experienced my first impact play outside of spanking.

Although I'm still more sensual than sadistic, my inner sadist isn't shy at all about coming out to play now. I continued to play games with pain on my Dom friend until he moved and then I branched out to hone my skills on subs who were new to me.

In fact, I've become somewhat of an expert at converting boys who aren't into pain into pain sluts. They WANT to take pain from me to please me and I discovered that in mixing pain and pleasure, I can train them to desire both. I've also discovered it's hotter to convert a boy into a pain slut than it is to find one aching for my physical brutality.

On the topic of finding new boys, I won't list the number of boys I've talked to or even just the ones I've considered over the past year. To do so would be monumentally depressing. The good news is that now I'm much more efficient with the process and drastically better at being able to determine which boys are truly submissive, which are bottoms and which are merely kinky.

One year ago I still worried what people thought about me and my dominance. I wondered if showing my sensitive side and revealing my flaws would diminish my dominance. I was myself anyway, but I wondered what others thought.

Now I don't care. I celebrate my sensitivity and my flaws and have no qualms sharing my challenges, even my dating challenges, or my feelings through my tweets and my blogs. I make the best blond brownies ever and there are times when I've been addicted to a man. I don't mind revealing these things mainly because I know it doesn't diminish my dominance to do so.

Over the past year, I've begun to settle into my dominance. I know without a doubt this is who I am and exactly where I'm supposed to be. I love the thrill of being Dominant and know it's something I can't live without.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Dangerous curves

Three times in the past nine months a guy I've been intimate with has pulled a muscle while he was with me.

I was recounting this phenomenon to a friend when he said, "I'm all for rough sex but you sound dangerous."

Here's the funny part. One guy strained his back while making out with me. We weren't even having sex, rough or otherwise.

Admittedly, the other two were injured in the throes of sex I'd characterize as fun. I still wouldn't call it rough though.

I'm a sadist. I'm pretty sure that fact is well documented already. However, I didn't engage in any S&M activities with any of these three guys. I didn't cane them or paddle them. Nothing.

In fact, of the boys who have experienced my sadistic side, none have ever complained about the pain I inflicted. Not at all like these three guys.

From this I can state two pieces of advice, though it should be rather obvious, I'd think.

One, perhaps you should be in better shape if you want to hang with me. You can't be injuring yourself from playing with me unless you want to get redshirted.

Two, you should probably not tell a sadist like me that you hurt yourself getting frisky with me unless you fully comprehend how much I'm going to savor your pain and tease you mercilessly because of it.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Using my skills

I'm seeing a Dom now. Romantically, not for ass beatings. And no, he hasn't convinced me to submit to him.

It's been interesting, to be sure, as we are both very secure and comfortable in our dominance and neither of us is in the least bit intimidated by the other.

I love that.

It should be no surprise that I'd be attracted to a Dom. Even when I choose subs they're typically dominant in their vanilla lives. I've had three subs that were active Doms, including my very first sub. I'm attracted to strength and power. What can I say?

The first occasion 9 and I spent time together, there was some playful ass swatting going on outside the bedroom but no real D/s play. We didn't try to top one another in any kind of forceful way in the bedroom either.

The truth is, I don't desire his submission. Would it be hot for me? Fuck yeah! But I enjoy him the way he is. And I enjoy not having to always be in charge when I'm around him.

He was as respectful of me, my dominance and my expressed desire not to be topped as I was of his.

Well mostly. Old habits die hard.

I enjoy edging and using my mad oral skills to edge a guy over and over. I've often joked over the past year that I'm not sure that I remember how to get a guy to cum from oral stimulation because I have been perfecting my edging skills for so long.

I'm sure there are Dommes out there that refuse to go down on a guy but I adore the kind of control I have  when I have a guy's cock in my mouth. I just do. I love exacting each and every reaction: the sighs, the moans, the panting. I take my time and enjoy feeling his excitement build. And then I enjoy stopping him right at the precipice of that excitement and seeing the look in his eyes as he feels his opportunity to cum slip away.

So last Friday night I was demonstrating my oral skills on a boy ... er ... a man, actually. This particular man is not used to being teased and denied. Damn Doms. They usually get what they want, right?


I leisurely and thoroughly sucked his gorgeous cock as we watched a movie in no rush at all. Slowly the tension built to the point he was ready to cum and I stopped it. Once. Twice. And by the third time, moaning in frustration as I tried not to chuckle, 9 was onto me.

"Whatever do you mean?" I asked, batting my eyelashes before taking his dripping cock back into my mouth eliciting another deep sigh from 9.

I edged him four times and I'm quite certain he'll never ever forget it. He's mentioned it at least daily since it happened. And each time I smile at the memory and how cute he is to keep bringing it up.

Today he was complimenting me again on my oral skills. "You could suck start a Harley."

I laughed and started to thank him but he interrupted me. "No wait. You wouldn't suck start the Harley. You'd suck it to the point it was almost started and then you'd stop. And then you'd suck it again until it almost started but then you wouldn't let it start."

I remind him each time he mentions me edging him about how lucky he is that he's not my sub. At least his Harley has a pretty good chance of getting started. 

My boy, 9

D/s relationship status: inactive Dom (just not mine)
Relationship status: formerly dated, open relationship

9 is the ninth and final guy with the same name I'm going to date. This is it. I refuse to go into double digits. Since things didn't work out, guys with this name are now officially on my hard limits list. Read "The story of 6 and 7" for more information.

9 resides in Florida and was an active Dom with a reputation as being very sadistic. We enjoyed sharing ideas for torturing subs but we never engaged in any real D/s play with each other.

We were introduced by a mutual friend and immediately connected. Due to the 2039 miles separating us, we didn't get to spend as much time together as we'd have liked while we were dating but but we enjoyed each other immensely. We're currently friends.

Read blogs about 9

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Too lazy to proofread, too lazy to be MY sub

Sometimes checking my collarme mail can be down right entertaining. Below is the profile of a potential who messaged me as well as our correspondences. I've bolded the worst grammar transgressions.

Hello everyone i hope you are all doing well. please read my full profile.

i am [potential sub's username] and i am a submissive. i have been in this lifestyle since 2006 . i do not have much experience but i am willing to learn and grow. my goal is to find a domme or couple that i can serve and learn from and make happy and be theres. i am looking for a loving caring domme or couple, someone who is not to strict. i am not looking to give up all my freedoms hence me being a submissive not a slave. maybe one day down the road i will be ready to become a slave if i find that special domme or couple  i am willing to give up everything for..

i am willing to travel to find a domme or couple and meet them . i am also willing to pay for them to come visit me if need be. i am very kind, caring, smart, obedient. i am a quick learner and a gentleman. i am good at house work. cleaning, laundry, gardening, wood work, computers, cooking, i am learning to give good messages.

if i send a message please respond either way weather you are interested or not. also if i unsend a message its becuase i didnt like what i wrote and i am thinking of something better to write. i am very picky about what i say and write. i am trying to be a better writer
more to come

Messages exchange through collarme:

potential sub on 4/9/10 at 10:01 AM:
Hello ma'am how are you doing today. i hope you are having a good day and continue to and i also hope you have a good weekend. i hope we can talk if possible. I am always looking for more friends and i am very interested in talking to you and getting to know you.I am also very very very interested in talking to you about possibly being your submissive

MistressLilyana on 4/9/10 at 10:11 AM:
I'm not interested but wish you luck in your search.

potential sub on 4/9/10 at 10:12 AM:
may i ask why you arnt interested

MistressLilyana on 4/9/10 at 10:19 AM:
Well since you asked, you state in your profile you're smart, then you proceed to misspell and misuse multiple words. I realize everyone makes typos, but there are enough to make me think you're either not as intelligent as you think or you're careless. Either are turn offs for me. I do wish you the best of luck in your search though. You'll find someone. I'm just not the right one of you.

potential sub on 4/9/10 at 10:23 AM:
well to me that is not a good enough reason. people make more typos on computers especialy when they are typing fast like i am and doing a school project at the same time but if that is how you think i wish you the best of luck. may i say thought that if you have alot of small things like this that prevent you from finding someone then you should rethink everything and maybe shorten the list of what turns you off as everyone makes typos and has small problems

MistressLilyana on 4/9/10 at 8:42 PM:

The right guy for me will think enough about me to proofread his messages to me. The right woman for you won't care. Thanks for the feedback.

potential sub on 4/9/10 at 9:22 PM:
lol well see thats the problem people dont proof read alot and most of the time its spell check if they want to.. people are lazy these days in many ways

MistressLilyana on 4/10/10 at 0:18 AM:
Thanks for making my point. I don't want a sub that is too lazy to proof his communications. That means he's lazy in other areas, or as you say, in many ways.

I know your jaw is on the floor as you read my responses. You're probably thinking I'm way too nice. I always try to be respectful because you just never know when someone you meet online will get upset with you and go all stalker on you. 

Still, you never know when I'll snap on one of these obnoxious idiots one day. So if you have a collarme profile, for goodness sake, check it for grammar errors. Show the Dominants you contact a little respect and take a few seconds to proof your messages too.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

The hottest moment - by sindi

Although I am completely bi-sexual, I have not had a lot of bi-sexual experience. In fact, it has only been in the last three years that I really began to explore the lesbian side of my sexuality, and only in the last year that I finally made it happen.

So, my Mistress, along with gaining whatever benefits there are to having a sub who is brand new to BDSM, also gets the benefits of having a sub who is somewhat virgin to lesbian sex.

All of this takes us to a text conversation I recently had with my Mistress while driving back to Arizona.

Fresh from several hot sessions with her, my mind was rolling over the various scenarios we have already played out in our three-month relationship.

“What’s the hottest thing you have done with me?” I asked her, via text.

“Well, edging you 10 times was pretty hot,” she text back. “What about you?”

“I’m not saying. LOL,” I replied.

If you have followed my Mistress’s blog, you will know that we have a pretty casual D/s relationship in which joking around is highly encouraged.

However, this time, my Mistress was not in a joking mood, and I failed to pick up on that vibe in our written communication.

After she attempted several times to get me to divulge my secret, and I cutely, (I thought) evaded giving it up to her, she cut the game short.

“So, you are refusing to tell me?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I replied. “Because if I tell you, you will never do it again.”

That last comment resulted in an explosion of texts on my cell phone, as my Mistress lashed out at me for not being open with her.

She immediately forbade me from speaking to her for a full 36 hours, torture for any sub, but especially a Mistress Lilyana sub, as communication - and daily entertainment - is always a continuum.

When we finally spoke again, after the 36 hour period, I explained to her that I had thought that I was actually complementing her with my comments, and meant no disrespect to her what-so-ever.

Because it was important to me to explain my feelings correctly, we decided that I would reveal my secret hottest moment to her and her readers by blog. So here it is ...

It wasn’t the smothering. No, when she shoved my face into her wet pussy, sadistically pulling my hair as she moaned in pleasure, that was not the hottest moment.

Although she would later tell me it was one of her favorite moments - in particular my whimpering and my occasional, desperate, gasps for air while I tried to remain focused on licking her correctly. That pleased her, she told me.

It wasn’t the edging. Yes, she edged me 10 times with a Hitachi before finally allowing my aching pussy intense release. It was an exceptional experience, and my hat is off to Japanese technology, but, it was not the hottest moment.

It was not the figging.

“It’s starting to burn Mistress,” I had told her, confused about what was happening within my ass, which she had just stuffed with an object that was unknown to me.

“What is the problem?” she coyly asked me, fully aware of what I had said, as she knew the effect the ginger root produced.

“It feels hot Mistress,” I whimpered, before she proceeded to whip my ass to a bruising I had not yet experienced in our play.

No. That was not it.

It was not the clothespins. Gagged and tied to a bench in my hotel room, she lifted me to the highest levels of sub space, and actually produced my tears as, one-by-one, she clipped a whole set of clothespins to my pussy, nipples and other tender spots, before ripping them all off at once.  The pain was intense. That was not the moment.

But the tying and binding was something else.

I learned early on, well immediately, really, of my Mistress’s skills with rope.

Less than three hours after we met for the first time - and one hour after she took the liberty of planting a full mouth kiss on me in front of everyone at the Vegas lounge where we had our first date - my Mistress was tying my body spread-eagle to a bed in a stylish downtown hotel room.

As with any good Mistress, she was prepared to play.

I watched wide-eyed as she pulled out a pair of scissors from her bag, cut off my panties, and quickly fashioned them into a blindfold that she tied around my head.

I felt her strength as she held my hands down to where she wanted them, and began to kiss my mouth for a very long time. She pulled the panty blindfold down, gagging my mouth with it as she worked her way down my nude body. Then she consumed me.

The sensation was overload. I had only received oral sex from one other girl before, and my Mistress' velvet tongue showed no mercy as she dug into my flesh like the experienced bisexual woman she is.

The fact that the experience was combined with my first full body restraint experience is just magnificent luck, and I know it.

But still, as hot as my first night with Mistress was, it was still, not the hottest moment.

It was not the moment that I had treasured so much, that its secret status with me had ultimately resulted in a 36-hour suspension of our relationship.

No, that cherished moment came during our second visit together, after we had been communicating via text and telephone for about one month.

At that time, I was working to be removed from her “consideration” status, to the role of her full sub. I was still learning all that she expected of me, was busy memorizing her submissive positions, and was basically trying not to fuck up as I did that night when she arrived at my room.

“You are supposed to be kneeling at the door,” she said when I answered the door, nude, as she requested, but standing up.

Later that night, after some light play on her part, and service to her on mine, I lay on the bed waiting for her to return from the restroom.

When she returned she was in a negligee, a giant purple dick swinging in front of her crotch.

“You realize I am about to ruin you for cock,” she told me, just before I sat on the large phallus as she had ordered me to.

“Yes, Mistress,” I replied, guiding the large rubbery dildo into my wet pussy.

I rode her cock hard, occasionally looking down at her and watching as the grinding movement of my hips and pussy began to work her into a frenzy.

Then, it happened.

Pushing me off of her, she ordered me to get on all fours and face the headboard of the bed.

“Put your hands by your ankles,” she instructed me.

I did as she said, and immediately felt the tightening of rope as she bound each of my hands to each ankle with rope cuffs, a special design all her own, leaving me with my head down on the bed, my ass in the air, utterly helpless and exposed to her.

She didn’t waste a second as she forced her large toy cock back into my pussy and proceeded to fuck me like she had been born with a dick.

I listened to her groan, losing herself in pleasure, shoving the cock deep into my pussy as her movements bared down on her clit. At that moment, I realized the sadistic nature of my new Mistress. She was fucking me, and I was an object.

In my bound position, I was completely her fuck toy. A hole for her to fuck, for as long as she wanted to, and an ass to beat if she so desired. And it turned me on, immensely.

Later, I thought of the experience over and over, getting wet every time I did so.

What was it? I wondered, about me, and about her. It wasn’t like I didn’t know she was kinky and sadistic. She is a Mistress, after all. Eventually, I figured it out.

She was truly dominant. I was truly submissive. She had taken me. And it was the hottest moment.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Am I polyamorous?

I've learned a lot about myself over the past 3 years.

First I learned I am bi sexual. Mmmm that was a deliciously welcome discovery. The thrill I felt when she first said, "I think I might have a crush on you" has evolved into something I enjoy more than I ever imagined.

Then I learned I am Dominant or rather 6 identified it in me and encouraged it. This changed the way I look at men and honestly, life in general.

Both of these things have become an integral part of me.

Lately I've done a lot of introspection trying to figure out who this bi Dominant Lilyana is, how to integrate those aspects of her into her existing life and what will make her happy.

When I consider my future, obviously I don't see myself in a conventional relationship. There will be kinky aspects to be sure, possibly D/s. But lately I'm seeing clear indications that there may be more than one unconventional relationship in my future.

According to alt.polyamory, Polyamory means "loving more than one." This love may be sexual, emotional, spiritual, or any combination thereof, according to the desires and agreements of the individuals involved.

If I consider that definition, I'm definitely poly because even if I find Mr. Right tomorrow, I'll want to keep a female FWB (friends with benefits). Now that I've sampled the deliciousness that is known as woman, I don't think I can go without. And I don't want to always share that with a man, even the elusive Mr. Right.

Is there even a Mr. Right for me? My ONE? I've begun to think maybe there isn't one single person who can satisfy all my intellectual and physical desires, particularly the kinky ones.

I adore submissive men and can easily see having one in my life. At the same time, I'm still thrilled by the type of equal partnership I experienced with my FMT over the year we dated and can easily see a pseudo vanilla guy like him in my life. A consort, if you will.

And then there's the need to have a delicious woman around to satisfy my need for soft yumminess from time to time.

So I'm poly. Simple enough right?

Anyone who is polyamorous will tell you that there are challenges. Relationship challenges, just like any other, certainly, but also challenges regarding how to integrate this lifestyle into your vanilla life. What do you tell and not tell your friends and family? How do you address this with your potential partners? What are the dynamics like when you have multiple partners?

These are all questions I'm asking myself and those I know engaged in the lifestyle. I'm reading and researching and will continue to do so.

What does this change for me right now?

Very little actually. I am dating both vanilla and submissive men and I'm upfront with them about the fact that I'm seeing other men. I also let them know I expect them to be supportive of my kinky endeavors, even if they aren't include in them. So far I've been pleasantly surprised at how easy it has been to find guys, kinky AND vanilla, who are open to this kind of arrangement. Nothing has evolved into a long term relationship yet but I'm hopeful and am willing to be patient.

I have a female sub I also consider my FWB. Although admittedly, no guy has yet to protest this arrangement and I don't anticipate this being an issue.

So basically the only thing that this revelation changed is my outlook on my future. I'm not longer worried about finding my ONE. And I'm no longer worried about whether or not my ONE is submissive or if I need someone I consider my equal as my ONE. This releases me to enjoy the fabulous men and boys (and females) who wander into my life for what they are and what we have together without the pressure of monogamy and "commitment."

Is this really a revelation? Apparently only to me. Upon telling one of my pseudo vanilla best friends, she exclaimed, "Really? Really? How could you not know you're poly! It's like you've been taking all of the classes all along and just never declared your major."

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Adventures in butt plug acquisition - Part 3 - by sindi

The following blog was written by my femsub, sindi, who I often refer to as "the girl." My simple assignment, to buy a butt plug, turned into a hilarious adventure that I felt could be chronicled best by sindi herself. This is part 3 of 3. Be sure to read part 1 and part 2 if you haven't already.

Down to the last few days before my trip to Vegas, I was now desperate to complete my assignment. I was determined not to be a cumboy.

The next day I got an early start on my work day so that I could spend the last part of the day continuing the search. By now, I wasn’t too keen on the idea of settling. If I was going to spend this much time looking for ass adornment for my Mistress, I might as well get the one we both wanted.

I Googled “adult sex toys” along with the name of the Phoenix area I planned to be in, finding a list of three stores highlighted at the top of the list. One was another location of the chain store I had visited the previous day, another was listed as a “Superstore,” and the other was a business with a goofy name like “Sensual Pleasures.”

I plugged all three addresses into my GPS and got rolling. I hit the chain store first. Again, as I walking through the door, a male clerk greeted me with a loud “Hi Honey.”

Wow. What a way to make all your female customers feel like hookers, I thought. The people making up that policy must be the same men who are stocking these stores with small and extra small lingerie.

I walked straight to the butt plug section and perused the selection among a group of men who probably got no greeting at the door at all. Again, there was the same selection of huge plugs in every color imaginable, but no metal plugs, much less jeweled metal ones.

With no time to lose I headed out to the “Superstore” optimistic that I would at least have more of a selection to see there. Thirty minutes later I found myself in a business park, the promising Superstore nowhere to be found, among people who probably wouldn’t know a butt plug if they tripped on one. I called the number and listened to a recording of a man directing customers to the businesses website before hanging up the call. Ugh!

I left and headed to the third address. It was a home in a residential neighborhood. I called the number and got a person’s voicemail on which the speaker mentioned nothing about sex toys. Unbelievable.

For a second I actually contemplated walking up to the door and asking whoever answered if they had any jeweled metal butt plugs for sale. Nah.

Frustrated, I Googled stores in the entire Phoenix metropolitan area. My search turned up a store near the ritzy Scottsdale area that I had not seen before. Of course! If any store was going to sell booty bling, it would be for all those rich assholes in Scottsdale, Arizona, literally speaking of course.

I called the number. When the girl answered I blurted out, “Do you have the jeweled metal butt plug?”

Without hesitation she replied, “Yes I do. I have two left.”

“I’m on my way,” I told her, a tear of joy actually welling in my eye.

I called my Mistress and relayed my story of frustration and happiness. I suggested that if she chose to blog about this assignment, she should include a Google map of all the places I went in search of the elusive bejeweled butt plug. She laughed and then immediately saddled me with this blog assignment. I told her I was headed to the store and she instructed me take a picture of the plug and send it to her once I got there.

As I entered the store a beautiful young Hispanic woman approached me and before she could ask me if I needed help I asked, “Where’re the jeweled metal butt plugs?”

She smiled, as did her male partner behind the counter, and few customers walking around the store. “Those things are soooo popular,” she said, still smiling at me. She led me to the center of the store where a glass case displayed the two remaining plugs, glittering under the display light.

Opening the case for me, she informed me that the owner had purchased 10 of the plugs just before Valentines Day, and they had sold eight within a matter of days. I told her I believed her, and relayed a little of my efforts to find one.

The two plugs that were left had a ruby and aurora borealis stones. She picked up the plugs and put them in my eager hands. I marveled at the stones a bit before asking her to display them on the counter for me so that I could take a picture. “It’s for my Mistress, “I informed her. “She instructed me to buy one of these so that she could use it on me.”

“Oh you naughty girl,” my beautiful salesgirl exclaimed with a full smile.

I snapped a few pictures, with the help of my salesgirl, and then sent them to my Mistress who called me seconds later exclaiming, “It’s gorgeous!” A few minutes later we decided on the aurora borealis stone, and my salesgirl was ringing me up.

Beautiful salesgirl used the opportunity to quiz me about the BDSM scene, and we chatted a bit about the difference between the pros and the lifestylers, and the popularity of it all.

“Yeah,” she said, “Sometimes I ask my boyfriend to pull my hair when we are having sex. He just says ‘No, I don’t want to hurt you.’”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” I replied honestly, wishing I could give her a sympathy tug on her long brunette locks. I made sure to turn her on to a few BDSM social networking sites before leaving the store with my glittering new butt plug.

Excited still, I stepped into my car, thoroughly satisfied with the joy I knew my Mistress had experienced from my diligent efforts that had just led to the spectacular completion of my assignment. I smiled as I started my car, thinking of her voice, praising me on the phone minutes before.

Still, I knew I wasn't finished. There was something else I really needed to do. Just for me.

Unable to restrain myself, I broke my safe driving rule and began texting my Mistress while driving 65 mph on the congested I-10 freeway.

"Mistress," I text.

"Yes?" she replied.

"You tell that cumboy," I continued, hardly able to text and drive as I was also in a fit of genuine, gleeful laughter.

"Yes?" she replied, probably laughing as well.

"Tell him," I continued.

"This, is how it's done."

Please feel free to leave your comments and feedback for sindi below. I'll make sure she gets them! - Mistress Lilyana

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Adventures in butt plug acquisition - Part 2 - by sindi

The following blog was written by my femsub, sindi, who I often refer to as "the girl." My simple assignment, to buy a butt plug, turned into a hilarious adventure that I felt could be chronicled best by sindi herself. This is part 2 of 3. Be sure to read part 1 if you haven't already.

My initial attempt at finding comfortable anal wear, proved to me how much credit I had unduly given myself in this challenge. First of all, I realized, just the word “butt plug,” made me blush when I heard it coming out of my own mouth.

And, it’s not like I have a gaggle of girlfriends with whom I am sharing my BDSM life with, that I can take with me to the porn store for some silly butt plug shopping.

It takes quite a bit of nerve as a woman, of any age, to walk into a sex shop alone and slam a butt plug down on the counter. Further, I had a specific butt plug to find, so I was probably going to have to ask somebody for it.

I walked into the first shop, a large mega adult novelty store near my home, on a Sunday. The place was pretty busy with several couples looking at lube and lingerie, while five or six single men perused X-rated titles in the DVD section.

The section labeled “ANAL” was empty and all mine, if I could just walk over to it. I made a bee-line for the lingerie and began flipping through a rack of corsets. Minutes later I left in a cold sweat, never having made it near the sex toys, much less the butt plug section.

A few days later my Mistress informed me that her Domme friend Apryl would be visiting my area soon, and would be taking me butt plug shopping, as I seemed to be having trouble getting the job done. I was instructed to contact Apryl via text, and to obey her as I would my own Mistress.

I contacted Apryl and we quickly laid out tentative plans to meet the following Wednesday at which time she would help me buy a butt plug. Then, we would both travel back to Vegas together in our cars as I already had plans to travel there for work.

Apryl casually mentioned that I would be wearing the butt plug throughout that six hour drive. “SHE told you to say that!” I texted Apryl, assuming that my Mistress was enjoying organizing our encounter from behind the scene. “I know her,” I text.

“No, she didn’t,” Apryl replied. “I’m sadistic.”

I’ll be honest. The idea of a sadistic Domme, who I don’t really know, having control of my asshole for a day scared the piss out of me. Luckily, that never happened.

My Mistresses family time arrangements forced me to change my travel plans to Tuesday, and the way my schedule was looking at that time, I wasn’t able to meet with Apryl, so I was back to doing my own butt plug shopping. Bullet dodged.

That Friday, with only three days to go before I had to leave for Vegas, I made another attempt at finding my plug. This time I hit a popular chain store that often advertised their “naughty” toys on the local rock radio station.

I tried to walk in unnoticed, but when the young man at the counter yelled “Hi honey,” as I walked in the door, every guy in the building—and of course there were only guys—turned to look at me. I gave the clerk a look that clearly said, “Thanks. Asshole.”

Again, I made a bee-line for the lingerie, and began flipping through a rack of garters. Peeking over the clothes rack, I scoped out the toy section, then casually made my way over. I hung around the whips and nipple clamps a while, finding a strange sense of comfort in the section, while slowly working my way past a variety of dildos. Finally, I found myself standing in front of a row of butt plugs.

I ignored the older man on the other side of the rack, and focused on my mission, scanning the rack for a jeweled, metal butt plug, and finding nothing even remotely like it. All of the plugs were made of plastic-like materials, and they were friggin HUGE.

As directed, I text my Mistress, informing her that I was at the shop and it did not look promising for the bejeweled butt plug. I took a picture of a Hello Kitty vibrator and advised her I was moving on to another shop. She was so wrapped up in her new vanilla guy she barely acknowledged me.

An hour later I entered my third sex shop, and again, hung out in the lingerie section while I scoped out the place. This time my Mistress texted me, asking me how it was going. I quickly scooted over to the butt plug section so I could give her a full report.

I scanned the rack for a metal butt plug, finding none. At that moment the tall male clerk walked up and asked me if I needed help. “Do you have any metal…ones?” I asked, pointing to the rack.

“No. These are all the butt plugs we have,” he replied, rather loudly, prompting fits of giggles from the couple a few aisles over.

“Ok. Thanks,” I replied, eagerly wanting to end the conversation so he wouldn’t say “butt plug” again.

I continued to peruse the rack of plugs, oddly feeling a sense of empowerment with each of the couple’s giggles. Again, the selection of butt plugs were plastic, and again they were very big, except for a few “beginner” butt plugs. WTF, I thought. Do all the women in Phoenix have giant assholes?

I text Mistress my dilemma. “They are all really big,” I wrote. “I’m just going to buy a small one and go.”

“Oh no you are not!” she quickly replied and instructed me to call her. I called and explained to her that all of the butt plugs, including the smaller ones, were 4” long or more. “I don’t think I can handle that,” I explained. “I’ve had anal sex, but I’ve never sat on a dick for a long time, and these things are huge.” I informed her of a few of my concerns, such as getting through this without a bruised spleen.

“Well you seem to be having a very hard time doing this for me,” my Mistress replied. “I don’t know how much more I can help you. First you said you didn’t know what to buy, so I was going to have Apryl help you. And now you are there in the store and you can’t seem to do what I asked you to. At one point I was going to have cumboy buy one for you …”

*Insert sound of screeching tires here.*

“What?” I butted in.

“Cumboy was going to buy one for you,” she repeated.

I let her words sink in a moment.

“Oh, fuck that!” I replied, immediately prompting her laughter.

“No. No. No, he’s not,” I continued. “Fuck that. This thing ends tonight,” I said, and hung up as she laughed.

I searched the rack, over and over, oblivious to the giggling couple now. Finally, I grabbed a 4”, skinny pink butt plug which I briskly walked to the counter with. Setting the plug down on the counter I asked the clerk to wait while I called my Mistress again, as instructed.

After informing her I was about to purchase a butt plug she directed me to send her a picture of the plug for her approval which I did. “No,” was her simple reply. I thanked the clerk and left the store plugless.

Part 3 of this blog will be posted next week. Please feel free to leave your comments and feedback for sindi below. I'll make sure she gets them! - Mistress Lilyana