Christmas bondage

Hando was working abroad during Christmas. We managed to exchange Christmas gifts via FaceTime but it wasn't until recently that we were able to celebrate Christmas together properly.

I wanted to spend the day watching Christmas movies and listening to Christmas music. I'd left my Christmas decorations up for the occasion. I had planned to make him dinner, eat on the good china and drink from the good crystal. He called them my "adorable plans" and was such a good boy to indulge me.

The night before our Christmas, we'd had a lot of intense play that culminated in rope and strap-on play. I'd tied him in a chest harness so he'd have handles, just as I had before. And as we decompressed, I contemplated removing the rope and was a little sad about the idea.

"I wish I could sleep in your rope," Hando said, reading my mind. I couldn't help but moan at the idea.

I've always wanted to have a sub tied up while they slept but had never executed the idea primarily because I rather enjoy being spooned while I sleep. However, cuddling and sleeping with Hando usually means he's in my arms with his head on my chest - a position more conducive to bedtime bondage.

I tied cuffs on each wrist and joined them about 14" apart. I wanted him to be able to move just enough to be fairly comfortable but not so comfortable that he was able to forget he was in my rope. And I left him in the chest harness.

As soon as I had his wrists tied, he curled up into an adorable ball of hotness, I wrapped my arms around him and well fell asleep.

The next morning, he awoke with a sleepy smile looking hotter than ever still in my rope and still in sub space. I held him and gently squeezed the rope around his wrists thinking about the delicious ligature marks he'd have when I untied him.

I'm not sure at what point I decided not to untie him. We had no plans to leave the house, only to celebrate Christmas, so I kept him naked in nothing but my rope. All. Day. Long.

We played. We snuggled on the sofa and watched White Christmas. He knelt on a pillow on the kitchen floor while I cooked.  We ate a delicious dinner off my Waterford china and sipped a crisp Riesling from crystal goblets. And all of the while he was wrapped in my scarlet hemp rope, deep in sub space.

Watching a sub experience the high of sub space is so hot for me. I love how their faces relax. I love the blissful smile. I love the soft tone they use to speak to me. I love knowing I put them there.

Hando was in sub space for more than 24 hours and it was so fucking hot. He was deliciously deeper than he'd ever been before and certainly much longer. Of all of the D/s play I've experienced, it felt the most immersive, even to me.

But, alas, it came time to unwrap the gift that was Hando. And as I traced the marks my scarlet rope left on his skin with my tongue, I smiled. It was a Christmas I'll never forget.

Boys with handles

Something happens to me when I put on my cock. To say I get aggressive might be an understatement. And with every whimper, cry or moan, my aggression grows.

When I'm wearing a strap-on, I can't get deep enough or fuck him hard enough. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to. 

Oh but do I try.

I've found that rope helps. Well, it goes without saying that everything is better with rope BUT I've found that it really helps with pegging. 

How, you may ask? Well, the title of the blog gave my secret away. I give boys handles. Beautifully tied hemp rope handles. 

Most recently, I've tied two different types of handles on two different boys. 

On my pet object, I used a gunslinger harness to give him handles along both his hips. I didn't stop to take pics. I wish I had. That happens sometimes when I'm playing. I'm more into the moment then I am preserving the memory. But this is kind of what it looked like except there were handles on both hips. And he was naked. 

I pulled out two 30 foot lengths of my scarlet hemp rope and watched my pet object's eyes light up. I sat on the edge of my bed and had him stand before me as I added handles to him. Due to the wrapping on the sides, the tie takes a bit longer than others and we both savored every moment.

I'd forgotten how much he enjoyed me tying him up. Or maybe he enjoyed it more this time than others. Or maybe I just happened to notice this time. But he was all subby shy smiles while I wrapped my rope around his waist and thighs. 

When all 60 feet of hemp was securely tied to him, I pushed him face down over the edge of the bed I'd been sitting on and prepped for pegging. 

Although my style of strap-on play might be best characterized as brutal, I'm not a total monster. I lubed him thoroughly and warmed him up a bit before shoving my cock into his ass. 

Okay okay, if I'm being truthful, I gently pushed it in the first time and even let him adjust to it. 

And then I brutally fucked him. 

On Hando, I created handles on the back of chest harness. This time, I remembered to stop and take a picture.

As I pulled out my rope, Hando stood in in front of me and extended his wrists together expectedly.

"Nope. Today I'm giving you handles."

I turned him away from me, reached under his arms in front of him and started wrapping my rope around his chest.

Once I'd completed the harness with wrapped handles, I grabbed the handles firmly, gave him a shove and yanked him back towards me. He gasped a little at the surprise.

"That'll work."

And then I guided him to my dresser mirror so he could look at himself in the mirror.

"Do you see how hot you look in my rope?"

"Yes, ma'am," he almost whispered.

And then I prepped him for pegging before I brutally fucked him.

As much as I enjoy pegging in a missionary position so I can watch their faces, sometimes I just want to unleash my aggressive side and fuck a boy HARD and deep. And that's just what I did.

The rope handles provide the additional grip and leverage I need to get deep. I can pull him onto my cock HARD as I'm thrusting into him. I can easily establish a rhythm.

And it's a great upper body work out. The day after giving my pet object handles, my shoulders were a bit sore because at one point, he'd totally surrendered to become a pile of subby boy goo, almost limp from sensation, and I'd seized the rope handles on his hips and continued fucking him without much of any help from him at all.

He was hole for me to use and I told him so. "Yes, Mistress," he moaned into my mattress.

Playing with (and kissing) bon-bon again

Bon-bon walked in to find me lounging on his sofa, sipping Riesling, watching porn and texting my friend. Ever the good boy, he came to me and kissed my hand in greeting.

"Hello, Mistress."

He looked delicious as he always does in the crisply pressed white shirt and jeans I'd requested he wear to work that day. But perhaps even more delicious was the anxiety that rolled off of him in waves. 

It had been a couple of years since we had  played together but he knew that little fact wouldn't buy him any leeway with me thanks to our texts the night before our first play date. 

"Getting very excited about this... Kinda nervous."

"I promise not to kill you or permanently injure you."

"I am putting myself totally in your care and I know that you will protect me."

"No, I'll most certainly hurt you but you'll enjoy letting me."

And during the two times we've played since, I've certainly hurt him and he's definitely enjoyed letting me. 

During the first session, I tied his wrists with my beautiful scarlet hemp rope that had been neglected for far too long. I secured it to the stairway bannister so that his hands were stretched over his head and I could admire his sculpted body completely before I unloaded my impact toys and beat him with most everything in my bag. 

During our second session, I switched between deceptively sweet strokes to his cock and hard smacks while I watched his face contort from adoration to something akin to surprise and pain and back again. 

His responses were as beautiful as I remembered. What I'd forgotten, but was reminded of again quickly, was how much he seemed to crave my kisses. As he knelt naked before me, he couldn't seem to get enough of kissing me. Even blindfolded and taking whatever pain I dealt out, he turned to me seeking my lips and my tongue frequently. 

And in that way, I did not deny him. 

What I learned in 2011

2011 was my hottest year yet. Here is what I learned over the past twelve very hot months:

1. I enjoy watersports. A lot.
2. I have a shy bladder.
3. Having a hot guy beg me to pee on him helps my shy bladder.
4. If a woman promises me she won't fuck a man in my life, I should just assume that she will.
5. While there is a growing and pervasive feeling in the kink community that male subs are devalued, my appreciation for them has grown.
6. When I'm with the right guy I can orgasm from a bite, breath, even from a look and a nod.
7. I love being fisted and I'm not afraid to say it.
8. I thought I wouldn't like using a gag because I enjoy a subs reactions so much but as it turns out, gags are SO much fun.
9. I love making someone choke on cock. It doesn't matter if I'm pushing a hot girl's head down on a guy's cock or if I'm face fucking a boy with my strap on, I just love it.
10. People feel compelled to tell me their dirtiest, nastiest fantasies. And realities.
11. Nothing cheers me up quite like erotica written just for me by the writer.
12. Nothing makes me hotter than a sub's reactions to me, including fear and anxiety.
13. There is something about a boy on his back, holding his thighs up and open for me begging for my cock that makes me smile.
14. I can do monogamy.
15. Wearing a man's shirt can be sexier than lingerie. Particularly with a strap-on.
16. Just about everything is better with rope. Except when it's not.
17. I should probably not date vanilla guys. 
18. Top space is an amazing drug.
19. I'm becoming more and more comfortable with not being in charge all of the time and sometimes really enjoy connecting without D/s.
20. My instincts in regards to play and reading my sub are better nearly perfect and certainly better than my instincts in most other areas of my life.
21. Sharing is my favorite thing.

Bondage, real or implied

There are few things that are as hot as the site of a boy securely bound in my rope. Except maybe a girl. But I digress.

I love to see a boy splayed across a bed, tied tight to the bed by his wrists and ankles. Or bent over a table. Or really any furniture.

Aesthetically I enjoy the way his limbs look bound. The way the rope wraps around his wrists, his hands tightly fisted or slightly open and relaxed, depending on how sensual or sadistic the attention I'm giving him is at the time.

I'm a competent enough rigger to do some semi-extravagant shibari when I want, but I'm more likely to quickly lash a boy's wrists together over his head. It often gets the job done and puts him into the same head space the fancy rope work would anyway.

Plus I waste less time getting him immobile so I can have my way with him.

But as much as I love rope and the way a boy looks in it, sometimes I don't bother with it.

There is a beautiful phenomenon I've seen with subs that always makes me smile. I've always meant to blog about its hotness and today I shall.

I love how a sub will automatically position himself for bondage, real or implied, during a scene. It's like they beg for it.

If you've read Peeing on nodder, you'll know I tied his wrists before I put him in the bath tub and gave him his first golden shower. We did it a second time and I didn't write about it. I put him in the same tub in the same position without tying his wrists and he immediately raised his fists above his head as if he were bound.

So hot.

In my experience it's a fairly common phenomenon. When I climb on top of a sub, his hands seem to automatically go over his head as if he's begging for bondage, assuming he's bound or at least hoping I'll pin his wrists down with my hands.

It's one of those beautifully submissive responses that makes me want to simply devour him.

Mouthy

I normally enjoy a mouthy sub, particularly one as witty as nodder. Not disrespectfully mouthy but talkative. I almost never impose speech restrictions.

I'd been talking about playing off and on all day but when nodder came to my house that night about a month ago, vanilla activities had prevailed. But I was starting to ache to play. Not from lack of orgasms. I'd had plenty of those. But my post orgasm bliss was starting to melt into a desire to play. Specifically for rope. For him in my rope.

I tied his ankles to his thighs in a frog tie, then his wrists in front of him and created a chest harness. Nodder chatted happily throughout my rigging.

Why he decided to start being a smart ass, I have no idea. He was thoroughly tied and wasn't going anywhere. He wasn't being disrespectful, just annoying.

"Oh my God you need to shut the fuck up."

He kept chatting.

"Seriously. Just stop talking."

I blindfolded him thinking losing his sight might quiet him.

It didn't.

I can't even remember what he was talking about but I was just done listening to him. I whipped out my duct tape and slapped a piece across his mouth. He opened his mouth in a yawn and loosened the tape so I added another piece.Then I taped him from his chin to the top of his head on both sides.

And he kept talking.

Then I grabbed another piece of rope, channeled my inner Lee Harrington and fashioned some face bondage designed to keep his jaw securely shut.

It worked. Peace and quiet.

I'd chosen to tie nodder as I had with the intent of engaging in some CBT and facesitting and I was not to be deterred simply because little of nodder's face was available for sitting. I knelt over him, my wetness just inches from his nose and watched his cock twitch. Slowly I lowered myself until his nose touched my slit. I felt him try to touch me the only way he could, nuzzling my pussy, and heard him groan in frustration.

I sat firmly on his face and reached for his cock. I stroked it gently, teasingly and waited. I waited for that moment the delicious struggle ensues.

I felt his head turn beneath me trying to find breath and I savored the struggle for a few seconds as his cock became impossibly hard before I lifted my weight off of him, laughing and giddy with power.

Again and again I sat on his face burying his nose in my pussy. I alternated between smacking and squeezing his cock painfully and teasing it with soft touches.

But the real torture was in the fact that he couldn't taste me. He could smell me and feel my wetness on his nose and cheeks but the duct tape and rope prevented more.

Truth be told, it was torture for me too. As much as I enjoy breath control and teasing, I enjoyed nodder's mouth more.

When I could take no more, I slipped the rope from his face and removed the duct tape. Before he could resume his chatter, I kissed him hard and then sat firmly upon his face again.

Like a good boy, his mouth went right to work. And he was mouthy in all the right ways.

Fuck rope

I recently uttered words so unbelievable, so shocking that they stopped nodder in his tracks. Err ... Ok, mid thrust.

"Fuck rope."

It wasn't an adjective used to describe a certain type of rope. I was a verb. And it was said rather emphatically. FUCK ROPE.

If you follow my blog or know me in real life, you know I'm passionate about rope. And if you read On planning and satisfying cravings, you know that I seldom plan a scene. However, this was one of those rare nights where I had a plan. And that plan involved rope.

Take Lilyana's plan, add wine and nodder's skilled mouth and the plan begins to dissolve a bit.

"I should make you get my rope bag," I said more than once in between orgasms.

"I can stop," nodder said, without pausing whatever he was doing to please me. "I can go get it."

"NO."

As much as I love D/s play, I still enjoy what I refer to as pseudo vanilla sex. I can't call it vanilla because when you're involved heavily in BDSM, I'm not sure you can ever have truly vanilla sex. Some kinky element always sneaks into sex, or at least it seems to be that way for me.

But on this night nodder and I were having sex that was almost vanilla and heavily laced with orgasms for me, tease and denial for him. And it was good. Very good. I was into it.

And then nodder asked, at a particularly good moment, "Are you sure you don't want me to go get your rope bag now," and I responded emphatically, "FUCK ROPE."

Nodder stopped mid thrust. "WHAT?? Did you just say 'Fuck rope'?"

I laughed. I hadn't been thinking clearly and now that I was, the irony wasn't lost on me.

Since then, nodder has mentioned it more than once. Rather gleefully, in fact. I think he's rather proud that he was able to get me to say that. And I'm sure I'll never live it down.

Everything is better with rope

My love of rope is well documented and undisputed.

And really, what's not to love?

In my blog Peeing on nodder I detailed my first golden shower experience with him. It was very very hot and I'll never forget how he looked laying there in my tub with his wrists bound above his head.

We did it again, a week or so later, only I didn't tie his wrists, didn't use rope of any kind. It was hot - almost as hot as the first time. But nodder and I both agreed that him being bound definitely increased the hotness factor.

Tying up cock and balls is always fun but tonight I took it in a new and exciting direction with nodder. Using about two yards of black paracord, I wrapped his balls snugly, then twisted the cord and separated his balls. I then preceded to wrap his cock in the paracord, crisscrossing it tightly up the length.

I played with his cock, squeezing the rope into the sensitive skin, stroking his cock gently then roughly over the rope, slapping his cock, blowing cold air slowly down its length, even teasing the head of his cock with my tongue.

I put a condom over it and then fucked it, rope and all.

Most of my typical CBT moves were enhanced by the paracord. And It was easier to get that delicious wince of his out of him. And the grimace. And maybe even a growl.

Even for me the sensations were new. The velvety warmth of his hardness was broken up by the rough paracord and through the light teasing touches, hard squeezing and sharp smacking, my hand relished each and every new sensation.

More than once I unwrapped his cock, played with the smooth length, and then retied it before teasing and abusing him some more.

And then when I got it wrapped just the way I wanted it, I put a condom over his cock, and the paracord I'd wrapped and tied around it, and fucked him.

Yum.

As I slid down his cock, the first thing I noticed was how his cock was no longer smooth. The paracord wrapped around his cock meant he was now ribbed for my pleasure in a major way. The paracord around the base of his cock that wasn't covered by the condom created some new friction sensations for my labia.

But probably most important of all - the rope added some girth to his cock.

And what girl doesn't like a little girth?

OK, a LOT of girth.

On planning and satisfying cravings

In many areas of my life, I'm very much a planner. I like to schedule things. I like to know what I'm doing, what comes next.

But when it comes to playing with a submissive, my scenes are never planned in detail. I allow them to evolve naturally at my whim. I can be as sadistic as I am sensual and my mood very much dictates in what direction I steer a scene.

Sometimes, though, I'll want to do something that has logistical requirements. In the case of Forced bi with fireboytoy and pk, I had a finite period of time in which to execute the scene AND I needed to draft another person to assist. I can't just decide I want to force a boy to suck cock without having another cock around. It's got to be a planned thing.

Other times, I have a specific craving that simply must be satisfied.
 
Earlier this week, my sub and I had an opportunity to play. We've spent a lot of time together recently and have played quite a bit, but much has been impromptu. In other words, it's been mostly unplanned play that occurred no where near my toy bag, no where near my rope.
 
I've enjoyed every moment of this "stolen" time together, but there's something extra sexy about playing when you've been looking forward to it, anticipating it, even *gasp* planning for it.
 
My sub knows me well. He knows I don't like to plan details of a scene. He often teases me about it. But I did let him know I wanted to do rope. That I was craving it.
 
He'd arrived at our hotel suite before me and was happy to report that there was plenty of bondage friendly, sturdy furniture. Upon my arrival, I evaluated what I had to work with and settled on the big table like desk. My sub pulled it into the center of the room where I could have plenty of access to all sides of it, and him, once he was tied to it.
 
While he changed into a very humiliating pair of fru fru panties, I slowly unpacked my rope and other toys, pausing to consider my options and snickering at my own wickedness.
 
I tied a length of rope to each wrist to create cuffs I could use to tether him and then bent him face down over the desk, lenthwise, so that he was stretched across the smooth wood and almost on his toes. I tied each rope to a leg of the desk securely and then slowly circled my tethered prey. I giggled at the view of his ass, bent over the table with the ultra feminine thong, its ruffle around the waist almost a skirt, and heard his wince muffled against the wood of the desk.
 
Sliding my hand between his legs I found his cock hard from the humiliation of the panties and in anticipation of what was to come.
 
Or maybe it was my laugh. It seems that my laugh is his kryptonite. But that's probably a whole other blog.

I left him there while I retrieved a towel, lube and a butt plug.  I donned one rubber glove with a snap and pulled his pretty panties down.

"With your panties down around your knees like this, you reminded me of a naughty little girl about to get a spanking," I said as I applied lube to his asshole. He whimpered in response.

I played with his ass until he was gasping and then inserted a butt plug and pulled his panties back up to keep the butt plug in place. I continued to tease him, relishing every whimper, every moan, and then I switched gears.

From my toy bag I retrieved the fairly large purple dildo I used with my strap on until I broke the harness on the girl last spring. I used the flat base that acts as a suction cup on smooth surfaces to stick it to the desk in front of my sub's face but not before I'd smacked him in the face with it, taunting him with the length and girth.

"Suck it."

Tied across the desk with my big purple cock in his face, he looked up at me with big brown eyes, wincing in the way that makes me so so wet just before starting to lick it slowly. I watched him closely, holding the base as he teased my dildo with his mouth. Impatient with his prudishness, I grabbed the back of his head and forced it down on the dildo until his lips touched my hand. He gagged a little, making me even wetter, and I taunted him with talk about sucking real cock for me one day.

His whimpers, gagging, wincing and rapid breathing turned me on so much, I had to do something about it. I moved a comfortable chair directly behind him, yanked the dildo out of his mouth and made myself comfortable. With one leg draped over the arm of the chair I pushed the purpled dildo into my wetness easily not bothering the stifle the moan that errupted.

My sub tried to turn to see me as I described how good the big cock felt inside me but my ropes kept him virtually immobile. Watching him struggle to see me made me even more excited.

I propped one foot up on his ass but not before I used my toe to push the butt plug just a bit deeper in his ass. I laughed at the view - my foot on his obviously manly ass, butt plug clearly visible between his butt cheeks as he's bent over wearing pretty panties.

I knew how badly he wanted to watch me masturbate. We'd discussed it several times. I'd taunted him with it before, IMing him or texting him, teasing him with the knowledge that I was masturbating and he couldn't watch.

There we were in the same room and he still couldn't watch. And it was killing him.

Having him bent over for me, in rope, using him as a foot stool as I masturbated with a perfectly sized dildo turned me on too much. Though I savored every moment, he wasn't struggling to turn and see me long. I tried to put it off, to delay my orgasm, but I came pretty quickly.

I put the purple dildo, still wet with my juices, in front of his face and watched him clean it thoroughly and eagerly.

Yes, he was allowed to satisfy of his craving too. His craving to taste me.

One year

Last month marked the 1 year anniversary of me being on Twitter. This month will be the anniversary of my blog. It's not necessarily a reason to celebrate but it has made me reflect.

One year ago I wasn't "out." I hadn't attended a munch, an erotic rope bondage class, a play party, anything.

Now I'm a regular in the Vegas kink community. I'm on the Board of Directors for Reverse Tensionz. I've attended one of the hottest, kinkiest, sex filled parties in town and several other lifestyle and fetish events. Moreover, I'm comfortable at these events and sincerely enjoy the company of like-minded kinksters.

One year ago I had maybe two or three friends in the lifestyle. Sure I had a few open minded nillas in my life, but no one I was close to could really identify with what I was dealing with as I found my place in the lifestyle. In addition to not having a close, understanding person with whom I could share this, I could claim not one single interaction with another female dominant. Not one.

Now I call many kinksters my friends, in Las Vegas and all over the country. My circle of friends now includes porn stars, fetish models and other sex workers. I've also met some of the top erotic rope bondage people in the country.

Yes, my circle of kinky friends is indeed more extensive. But I would be remiss if I didn't mention that I now know several female Dominants, some of whom I've met on Twitter. I even call one of them my bestie.

From my Domme BFF I've learned so much about the lifestyle. Having someone with which to collaborate on the many ways to torture boys has been wonderful. And while we celebrate all of the joys and compare notes on boys under consideration, we also commiserate on all of our challenges too.

One year ago I didn't recognize I'm polyamorous. I say RECOGNIZE because I surely have been poly for a while. However, I hadn't had any exposure to others who embraced their polyamory so I just assumed I had a different outlook on life and love and sex that didn't include jealousy.

Now I recognize I'm polyamorous and am completely open and up front about it with those with whom I choose to get involveds. I no longer think about finding THE ONE or Mr. Right and worry he won't be everything I need in real life AND in the bedroom. I also look at others who believe solely in monogamy and wish they'd open their minds a bit. I've found that when you set aside everything you've learned about monogamy being the "right" way, life is so much simpler.

One year ago I'd given up on dating vanilla guys, just after I began dating my pseudo-vanilla FMT. One year ago we were dating but not exclusive. It was about one year ago that he'd said if we did date seriously, I'd have to give up "all my other guys."

Now my FMT and I are no longer together. We dated a full year and our relationship evolved as did his feelings about monogamy and my domming. He was literally the only vanilla guy I dated up until recently, and he truly changed my outlook on things.

You could argue that I shouldn't be dating anyone not in the lifestyle, but dating my FMT showed me there are, in fact, open minded vanilla guys out there who would be OK with me continuing to dom other guys. And that I don't have to dominate a guy in order to date them. He also taught me that topping vanilla boys can be fun, particularly tying them up.

Dating submissives has been challenging in many ways, and in others, not challenging enough. I've always gravitated to submissives who are Dominant in their vanilla lives. The more Dominant they are in real life, the hotter it is for me.

Lately I'm finding myself drawn to lifestyle Doms, too. They challenge me in every way and I find I also enjoy connecting and collaborating with them about D/s. Doms seem to "get" me in ways no one else does probably because our mindset is so similar. The fact that they feed my top fantasy doesn't hurt.

One year ago I'd tried domming a female. I'd found it hot but recognized I had no driving desire to have females submit to me.

Earlier this year I had a female submissive who was easily the best submissive I've had so far. Adjusting my style for a woman wasn't nearly as challenging as I'd imagined it would be. I also really enjoyed the major benefits of getting my dose of girl more frequently. And playing with her is way off the hotness meter.

However, I've discovered that I find play with boys more intoxicating and intellectually gratifying. In the future, I'll still consider exceptional females that cross my path but I've recently grown to understand that domming male subs is what best satisfies my D/s cravings.

One year ago I'd begun to embrace my inner sadist. Through my play with my Dom friend, I'd found an enormous and inexplicable joy in hurting his cock and balls and discovered fun ways to inflict CBT. With him, I'd also just experienced my first impact play outside of spanking.

Although I'm still more sensual than sadistic, my inner sadist isn't shy at all about coming out to play now. I continued to play games with pain on my Dom friend until he moved and then I branched out to hone my skills on subs who were new to me.

In fact, I've become somewhat of an expert at converting boys who aren't into pain into pain sluts. They WANT to take pain from me to please me and I discovered that in mixing pain and pleasure, I can train them to desire both. I've also discovered it's hotter to convert a boy into a pain slut than it is to find one aching for my physical brutality.

On the topic of finding new boys, I won't list the number of boys I've talked to or even just the ones I've considered over the past year. To do so would be monumentally depressing. The good news is that now I'm much more efficient with the process and drastically better at being able to determine which boys are truly submissive, which are bottoms and which are merely kinky.

One year ago I still worried what people thought about me and my dominance. I wondered if showing my sensitive side and revealing my flaws would diminish my dominance. I was myself anyway, but I wondered what others thought.

Now I don't care. I celebrate my sensitivity and my flaws and have no qualms sharing my challenges, even my dating challenges, or my feelings through my tweets and my blogs. I make the best blond brownies ever and there are times when I've been addicted to a man. I don't mind revealing these things mainly because I know it doesn't diminish my dominance to do so.

Over the past year, I've begun to settle into my dominance. I know without a doubt this is who I am and exactly where I'm supposed to be. I love the thrill of being Dominant and know it's something I can't live without.

The hottest moment - by sindi

Although I am completely bi-sexual, I have not had a lot of bi-sexual experience. In fact, it has only been in the last three years that I really began to explore the lesbian side of my sexuality, and only in the last year that I finally made it happen.

So, my Mistress, along with gaining whatever benefits there are to having a sub who is brand new to BDSM, also gets the benefits of having a sub who is somewhat virgin to lesbian sex.

All of this takes us to a text conversation I recently had with my Mistress while driving back to Arizona.

Fresh from several hot sessions with her, my mind was rolling over the various scenarios we have already played out in our three-month relationship.

“What’s the hottest thing you have done with me?” I asked her, via text.

“Well, edging you 10 times was pretty hot,” she text back. “What about you?”

“I’m not saying. LOL,” I replied.

If you have followed my Mistress’s blog, you will know that we have a pretty casual D/s relationship in which joking around is highly encouraged.

However, this time, my Mistress was not in a joking mood, and I failed to pick up on that vibe in our written communication.

After she attempted several times to get me to divulge my secret, and I cutely, (I thought) evaded giving it up to her, she cut the game short.

“So, you are refusing to tell me?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I replied. “Because if I tell you, you will never do it again.”

That last comment resulted in an explosion of texts on my cell phone, as my Mistress lashed out at me for not being open with her.

She immediately forbade me from speaking to her for a full 36 hours, torture for any sub, but especially a Mistress Lilyana sub, as communication - and daily entertainment - is always a continuum.

When we finally spoke again, after the 36 hour period, I explained to her that I had thought that I was actually complementing her with my comments, and meant no disrespect to her what-so-ever.

Because it was important to me to explain my feelings correctly, we decided that I would reveal my secret hottest moment to her and her readers by blog. So here it is ...

It wasn’t the smothering. No, when she shoved my face into her wet pussy, sadistically pulling my hair as she moaned in pleasure, that was not the hottest moment.

Although she would later tell me it was one of her favorite moments - in particular my whimpering and my occasional, desperate, gasps for air while I tried to remain focused on licking her correctly. That pleased her, she told me.

It wasn’t the edging. Yes, she edged me 10 times with a Hitachi before finally allowing my aching pussy intense release. It was an exceptional experience, and my hat is off to Japanese technology, but, it was not the hottest moment.

It was not the figging.

“It’s starting to burn Mistress,” I had told her, confused about what was happening within my ass, which she had just stuffed with an object that was unknown to me.

“What is the problem?” she coyly asked me, fully aware of what I had said, as she knew the effect the ginger root produced.

“It feels hot Mistress,” I whimpered, before she proceeded to whip my ass to a bruising I had not yet experienced in our play.

No. That was not it.

It was not the clothespins. Gagged and tied to a bench in my hotel room, she lifted me to the highest levels of sub space, and actually produced my tears as, one-by-one, she clipped a whole set of clothespins to my pussy, nipples and other tender spots, before ripping them all off at once.  The pain was intense. That was not the moment.

But the tying and binding was something else.

I learned early on, well immediately, really, of my Mistress’s skills with rope.

Less than three hours after we met for the first time - and one hour after she took the liberty of planting a full mouth kiss on me in front of everyone at the Vegas lounge where we had our first date - my Mistress was tying my body spread-eagle to a bed in a stylish downtown hotel room.

As with any good Mistress, she was prepared to play.

I watched wide-eyed as she pulled out a pair of scissors from her bag, cut off my panties, and quickly fashioned them into a blindfold that she tied around my head.

I felt her strength as she held my hands down to where she wanted them, and began to kiss my mouth for a very long time. She pulled the panty blindfold down, gagging my mouth with it as she worked her way down my nude body. Then she consumed me.

The sensation was overload. I had only received oral sex from one other girl before, and my Mistress' velvet tongue showed no mercy as she dug into my flesh like the experienced bisexual woman she is.

The fact that the experience was combined with my first full body restraint experience is just magnificent luck, and I know it.

But still, as hot as my first night with Mistress was, it was still, not the hottest moment.

It was not the moment that I had treasured so much, that its secret status with me had ultimately resulted in a 36-hour suspension of our relationship.

No, that cherished moment came during our second visit together, after we had been communicating via text and telephone for about one month.

At that time, I was working to be removed from her “consideration” status, to the role of her full sub. I was still learning all that she expected of me, was busy memorizing her submissive positions, and was basically trying not to fuck up as I did that night when she arrived at my room.

“You are supposed to be kneeling at the door,” she said when I answered the door, nude, as she requested, but standing up.

Later that night, after some light play on her part, and service to her on mine, I lay on the bed waiting for her to return from the restroom.

When she returned she was in a negligee, a giant purple dick swinging in front of her crotch.

“You realize I am about to ruin you for cock,” she told me, just before I sat on the large phallus as she had ordered me to.

“Yes, Mistress,” I replied, guiding the large rubbery dildo into my wet pussy.

I rode her cock hard, occasionally looking down at her and watching as the grinding movement of my hips and pussy began to work her into a frenzy.

Then, it happened.

Pushing me off of her, she ordered me to get on all fours and face the headboard of the bed.

“Put your hands by your ankles,” she instructed me.

I did as she said, and immediately felt the tightening of rope as she bound each of my hands to each ankle with rope cuffs, a special design all her own, leaving me with my head down on the bed, my ass in the air, utterly helpless and exposed to her.

She didn’t waste a second as she forced her large toy cock back into my pussy and proceeded to fuck me like she had been born with a dick.

I listened to her groan, losing herself in pleasure, shoving the cock deep into my pussy as her movements bared down on her clit. At that moment, I realized the sadistic nature of my new Mistress. She was fucking me, and I was an object.

In my bound position, I was completely her fuck toy. A hole for her to fuck, for as long as she wanted to, and an ass to beat if she so desired. And it turned me on, immensely.

Later, I thought of the experience over and over, getting wet every time I did so.

What was it? I wondered, about me, and about her. It wasn’t like I didn’t know she was kinky and sadistic. She is a Mistress, after all. Eventually, I figured it out.

She was truly dominant. I was truly submissive. She had taken me. And it was the hottest moment.

Tying up newbies

I love rope. I love everything about it. The smell, the feel, the marks that it leaves, hell, I even get wet from the sound of rope hitting the floor as I'm tying or untying someone.

I don't think anyone would argue how much I enjoy rope and all the very fun things you can do with it including the vanilla guys that I've run across over the past year. 

Yep, I love tying up newbies. The more vanilla, the better.

I generally start with something simple and I don't really Dom them, just give them a taste. I might just tie their wrists but usually I like to tie them spread eagle across a bed so I can tease them mercilessly and just generally have my way with them.

I like to leave some play in the ropes at their wrists the first time around so that they don't feel too restrained. It also allows something else, the hotness of which I hadn't fully realized until recently.

I love LOVE LOVE how someone who has never been tied up before reaches for me the first time they experience my rope. I LOVE how the rope restrains their movement when their hands reach for my breasts, my face, whatever they would normally be able to touch.

The look on their faces - amused frustration. And it's so incredibly hot.

Even hotter? When I release them from my ropes and they are finally able to touch me.

Exactly where I'm supposed to be

This entry is a continuation of my previous entry, Having the whole world at my feet, about my first meeting with fireboytoy.

I removed his earphones but left the blindfold in place. I spoke to him softly, my voiced laced with need and a hint of a Southern accent.

I stood before him as he trembled, my hands on his face, and I wiped the sweat of his anxiety off his upper lip with my thumb. He thanked me breathlessly, a little embarrassed, and then I kissed him.

He didn't kiss me back at first, didn't make his mouth available to me and I backed away, confused.

"Mistress may I kiss you?"

"Of course," I giggled and then I kissed him again.

I don't know how long I teased him with my hands, my breath and my hair on his skin as he knelt there, but eventually I asked him to stand. I switched the rope cuffs securing his wrists so that his hands were in front of him and led him to lay face down across the coffee table.

Once I'd quickly tied his hands under the table, I proceeded to very slowly tie his chest to the table, his ankles to the bureau behind him and his thighs open and securely fastened to the legs of the coffee table.

I knew he was an ass virgin. I knew he'd never engaged in strap on play. And bent across the coffee table as he was, fireboytoy was perfectly positioned to be taken. And he knew it. Mind fuck #2 of the evening.

No, I didn't take his ass.

What I did was let him see my face for the first him as he was tied up in my ropes wondering if I'd donned my strap on. I sat on the sofa, nearly at his eye level, and slipped the blindfold off his face.

I don't remember what either of us said. I do remember though there was no anxiety on my part about what he'd think of me seeing my face in person for the first time. This was no ordinary first date after all. I had the world at my feet and him tied to the coffee table with a raging erection. Life was good. I felt confident, invincible and desirable and certain he'd feel the same.

And for maybe the first time in my life I had the overwhelming thought that I was exactly where I was supposed to be, doing precisely what I was meant to be doing.

Having the whole world at my feet

Typically I meet a new prospective sub in a vanilla environment at least once before engaging in any D/s play. However, the rapidly developed rapport that fireboytoy and I enjoyed made a rather unorthodox first meeting a real option for me for the first time.

He was waiting for me in his suite in one of the nicer strip resorts. Fireboytoy's wrists were bound in his own cuffs and he was blindfolded. To add to the sensory deprivation and to mask any noise I might make in the room, I had him wearing earphones to his iPod listening to music with the TV's providing additional ambient noise.

I arrived with a suitcase full of rope, toys and other goodies to find an envelope with a room key just under the door to his suite as we'd arranged. I let myself in to find the suite prepared exactly as I asked. A bottle of Riesling wine chilling with one glass poured. Towels positioned precisely where I asked. And one trembling man kneeling in the living area of the suite.

I quietly made my way towards him savoring my first view of my new boy. His trembling, his ragged breathing did nothing but excite me beyond reason and it was everything I could do to not touch him right away. I was able to resist for a few minutes as I checked out the suite and enjoyed a glass of wine.

Finally, I couldn't wait anymore. I lightly ran my hand though his hair and fireboytoy jumped at my touch, his breathing immediately becoming rapid. His response told me he'd had no idea I had been there.

My first task was to put him in my own cuffs. I slipped them on over his, and then removed his easily. Now he was mine and he knew it. Later he admitted this was the first major mind fuck of the night.

Mmmm gotta love the mind fuck.

After I had fireboytoy secured, I leaned in to smell him letting my long hair caress his bare shoulder while my hands explored him. Feeling his trembling under my fingertips empowered me in a way I can't begin to describe.

I tore myself away and left him to stew in his new level of anxiety. I enjoyed my wine as I changed into something that looked as sexy as I felt. I unpacked my gear and added carabiners to the bed frame in preparation to tie him to the bed later.

I found the CD player and inserted the CD of edgy, sexy music I use during scenes. Immediately I felt the comfort of my favorite tunes envelope me and I felt even more empowered. Using the remote, I opened the balloon curtains to the windows that overlook the Vegas skyline from 30 stories above and sashayed past an anxious, kneeling boy to the window. There, with my hands spread wide on the cool glass, it was like have more than one precious man kneeling at my feet; it was like having the whole world at my feet. I reveled in the feeling and couldn't stop myself from throwing my head back and laughing with giddiness.

And then I turned my attention back to the boy kneeling, trembling and waiting for me.

Sharing a girl with pk

About a month ago I met a delightful and very hot woman at a fabulously kinky party that I thought would enjoy meeting pk so I invited her over to his house the following day for an afternoon of lounging around the pool.

A little back story: pk is my sub and we adore each other but we don't really date each other. We're always on the look out for each other's mister or misses right. When I saw this lady flogging a boy just moments after being released from being tied up at the party, I'd hoped maybe I'd found someone for pk's switchy self.

So we spent a Sunday afternoon drinking and chatting pool side with some friends. She wanted to be tied up again so I even dragged out the rope and happily obliged her and then tied up pk for good measure.

After our friends left, she, pk and me began to play, first in the shower and then in pk's very comfy though not bondage friendly bed.

She had never been with a woman before and I was only too happy to be her first. As we became wrapped up in each other, pk got shoved none to0 gently to the side and what started as a threesome turned into pk watching us.

Don't pity him though. He got to see two hot chicks and some strap on action.

It was beautiful, as is always the case when two women are intimate. She enjoyed my strap on more than any cock she'd had before and wasn't afraid to share that with pk and me. I also enjoyed the irony of me whipping it out to use on her our first time when pk has not yet had the opportunity to even suck my strap on yet. I'm sure he was jealous not only that I was fucking this beautiful woman but also longing to be the one receiving my strap on himself.

In the after glow of our girl on girl action, she and I snuggled up in bed. I asked pk to fetch his metal dog dish and then masturbate for our entertainment.

She and I spooned naked and while I dished out "helpful" comments and instructions to pk while he touched himself. Then she turned to me and began kissing me again.

pk begged to cum like the good little slut that he is and we paused our making out long enough to watch him shoot his cum into the doggie dish. Then she watched fascinated as pk lapped his cum out of the doggie dish from the floor.

pk is a good is a good boy. A lucky boy too. I dare say there aren't too many Dommes out there that bring their subs girls to share.

Breaking in my new boy chewtoy

As soon as he walked in, I pushed chewtoy up against the door and pinned his hands above his head. I pressed myself against him and just leaned in to nuzzle his neck, finally close enough to be able to slowly inhale his scent. I ran my hands under his shirt, over his chest and around to his back and asked him, "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"Yes Mistress," he said automatically.

I released him and we sat and drank and talked for ages until I couldn't take the anticipation anymore. I ordered him to remove his shirt while I grabbed my rope cuffs. In seconds I had his hands bound and behind his head and I was straddling his lap.

I teased him like that for a while, touching him and eventually kissing and biting him while I ground myself against his lap. I removed the rest of his clothes and teased him some more before my need to see him in more rope could no longer be suppressed.

I tied chewtoy to my coffee table, legs spread, arms above his head and back arched. He clearly enjoyed even the tying process, the feel of the satiny ropes gliding across his body slowly.

And boy do I enjoy seeing a boy in rope. Mmmmm.

I left him after I tied him securely and when I came back a few minutes later, I was pleased to see his excitement was still evident. chewtoy had tried to escape while I was away and his struggle had just excited him more.

I teased him like this, bit him, kissed him and let him enjoy my riding crop on the insides of his thighs. I thoroughly enjoyed everytime he flinched and every moan just made me wetter.

I took a short bathroom break and returned a few minutes later with my panties in hand. I slipped the black lace over his head and he was in heaven enveloped in the scent of my excitement. (He later mentioned this was the highlight of the evening for him.) While he enjoyed that, I continued my cycle of teasing and torture until his shoulders were begining to hurt from the bondage.

I slowly untied him, letting the ropes slip against his skin. Just as I removed the rope that had bound his rope cuffs to the coffee table, chewtoy put his still bound hands behind me head and pulled me to him for a searing kiss. The intimacy of this simple gesture was WAY OFF the hotness meter and was easily the highlight of MY evening.

Then I pulled my black lace panties off his face and allowed him firsthand knowledge of how delicious I smell and taste.

Tying up your BFFs on a Sunday afternoon

My two BFFs are both beautiful and talented in so many different ways, I can't possible describe them in one blog. They are also open minded and for someone as kinky as I, that's a very good thing.

When Goddess Selena mentioned the NawaYoi Rope Bondage Class and Rope Social, I knew immediately that this was something I wanted to attend. I also mentioned it in passing to one of my BFFs and was somewhat surprised that she also wanted to attend. Then our other BFF jumped onboard and suddenly I was attending a BDSM event with my two vanilla BFFs.

There was some discussion about who wanted to tie up and who wanted to be tied up. They both quickly decided to bottom and I had great fun tying up both of them.

During the social, there were a few little competitions. Thanks my braided wrist to ankle cuffs and the flexibility of one of my BFFs, I was able to execute a hogtie in a matter of seconds and won a cane and some lube - woo hoo! In another challenge, I had to use rope to secure a large dildo (with balls) to her knee winning a rather large dilo (watch out boys!). And my other BFF's soft curves were accentuated most deliciously by the rope as I tied her hands in various positions using a harness as the main securing point.

No, it wasn't nearly as erotic as tying up a boy. I mean, they are my BFFs after all! But being able to practice on them was wonderful. I felt zero pressure to perform and zero discomfort at having to being in rather intimately close proximity. I knew they would give me honest feedback and clearly from the look of delight on their faces, they actually enjoyed being tied up. One of them was particularly fascinated with the imprints the rope left on her skin.

It fun for me to have them step into my little world for an afternoon. Grant it, it's a world that is still very new to me, but it was still nice to be able to share it with them.

Imprints

When I was in college, I tied up boys with silk scarves and karate belts. But when I first saw how hot a boy looked with his hands tied over his head in black rope, I become hooked on bondage.

I love it. I love the way boys look in rope. I love the way they look at me when they're tied up. But most of all, I love the marks that rope leaves on wrists and ankles and . . .

A couple of months ago, I tied up pk in my closet and left him there while I went out with a vanilla friend of mine to Fremont Street. I didn't know any great knots at the time and I was in a hurry so I just tied him the best I could. Actually, considering the length of time he was to be alone, I didn't want to tie him too well in case he needed to get out. Of course his cell phone was in reach.

Anyway, when I got home, I untied him and brought him out of my closet where he'd been comfortably nesting in my dirty clothes. I played with him a bit and then we snuggled on my bed.

It was then that I noticed the indentions the ropes left on his wrists. I marveled at them and touched the impressions, relishing the feeling of the pattern of the braid in his skin.

I remember telling him I thought it was hot and I remember him telling me he hoped the marks would go away. It was Saturday night. Surely they'd be gone by monday morning, right? Nope! I'm not sure how he hid the imprints at work, and eventually they did go away, but I can't tell you how erotic I find it even now, knowing my ropes left those imprints.

The sounds that boys make

Last night was my first time playing with dimples. We'd had a few vanilla dates previous to our play time and I had noted that he wasn't blushing when we talked about D/s, even when we were talking in public. From this I incorrectly suspected he would not be terribly responsive when we played.

Wow was I wrong!

I enjoy having subs assume various positions for me, particularly the first time we meet. It's fun for me to see them scramble to recall the positions and then get into that position quickly. Of course I have them do this naked. It's more entertaining that way.

One of my favorite positions is INSPECT which means the subby slut is standing, legs are lightly spread apart and his hands are folded behind his neck with his elbows spread wide. By this the body and especially the vulnerable chest are exposed and unprotected. I particularly enjoy the way a guy's arms look, the way the muscles curve and . . . mmmm . . . but I digress.

While a boy is in this position, I enjoy standing behind him and touching him however I want. Sometimes it's enough just to breathe on the back of his neck. Standing so close I can feel every shudder, hear every gasp, and for a sensual Dominant like me, that's all very very hot.

With dimples though, it was hilarious. He simply could not tolerate the touching and teasing and was immediately reduced to a whimpering, moaning pile of submissiveness. When he's turned on, he's super sensitive to touch. Any touch. So having him in the INSPECT position and letting my hands roam all over him was super fun. Oh he tried very hard not to flinch. He really was a trouper.

As the evening progressed, I found that his audible responses intensified. He whimpered and whined so much it reduced me to fits of giggles more than once. When I had him tied up spread eagle in my bed, even my soft kisses to his abs had him squealing so much I told him he was worse than a little girl.

I love all the sounds that boys make. The grunting, the gasping - all of the delicious sounds they emit when I play with them. I especially enjoy hearing them cum. Sometimes just hearing a boy cum for me is enough to make me cum. Sometimes.

I can't wait to make dimples squeal and whimper some more.