Friday, December 10, 2010

From submissive to boyfriend. Can a D/s relationship survive?

While straddling the boy, I thrust the nipple of my right breast into the his mouth and leaned into him, smothering him with my double D’s. He sucked furiously and, as he began struggling and thrashing as his oxygen ran out, the thought running through my head was “MINE. MINE. MINE.”

As I ground my hips into his, “MINE. MINE. MINE,” was all I could think.

As I raped his mouth with my tongue, as I gripped his cock so hard he winced in pain, “MINE. MINE. MINE.”

Only he’s not mine.

He doesn’t greet me by kissing my hand anymore. He doesn’t call me Mistress. He doesn’t do a dozen little things anymore because he isn’t MINE.

But the primal part of me that enjoyed owning him doesn’t seem to know that. That part of me that screams MINE even now, more than three weeks after we ended our D/s relationship as we try to patch together something that somewhat resembles dating.

I’m not the only one having these same internal conflicts. My best friend, Miss Apryl recently broke up with her collared, 24/7 slave that she'd been with for 9 months and has experienced difficulty transitioning from D/s to dating. She had so much trouble with it that she no longer has any relationship with him, in fact.

“I was just thinking we might be able to date without D/s. That was fucking stupid. I can't go back. When I found out he was jerking off without permission I nearly lost my shit. And that was after he moved out,” Miss Apryl recently revealed. “Even before that I didn’t like that he was no longer sitting to pee and every time he plopped down on the sofa, I was SO irritated.”

While their D/s relationship was in effect, Miss Apryl’s slave was require to sit every time he urinated and had to ask permission to sit on her furniture. These little rituals, like me requiring my sub to always greet me by kissing my hand, were small but meaningful reminders of their submission and indicators of their respect for us.

And we miss them.

I recognize that when non-D/s relationships evolve, it is not always without incident. This I know only too well as my friends with benefits relationship with my FMT evolves into a friendship that’s more emotionally intimate yet devoid of the yummy benefits I’ve enjoyed so much over the past two years. I’m struggling with the transition and that’s probably another blog altogether.

But I feel like the battle to turn a D/s relationship into a dating relationship is probably a lot different. Miss Apryl hypothesizes that this is probably because of the ownership element of D/s and as I reflect upon the feelings of MINE MINE MINE I’m having in regards to my former sub, I tend to agree.

"Trying to date after D/s feels like the relationship is going backwards," Miss Apryl said. "And when you have that level of commitment, you can never go back."


  1. You, your friend, myself as dominants think and feel a certain way that will never change. To fit us in the box of a "vanilla" relationship is just outright impossible for too long, tension will arise SOMEWHERE.

    My wife and I are kind of going through the same thing but in the reverse direction. We never had a really deep D/s relationship but in the beginning much of it just came naturally. As time moved on however the D/s really started to fade away despite us both feeling the need for more of it in our life together.

    Truth be told we just got TOO comfortable together, to relaxed and maybe even a little bit lazy. SO for while now we have been trying to change that and it's been tough. We have really had to reinvent how we interact with each other and though things recently have shown great improvement it's been and probably will be a long road.

    Anyway I think that if you guys are meant to work it out you will and your new roles will come with time. If not... well that maybe it's not suppose to I suppose. Hope it does & good luck. :)

  2. I'm no expert but I can't imagine a D/s relationship being able to withstand steps backwards in control and dominance. At least not the type you describe. I wish you the best though. You sound like too wonderful a lover to settle for anything less than you desire.

  3. Interesting. I would say that all relationships need changes. The things we used to love about people - even in D/s relationships - change. The fun little quirks become nuisances. That's when it's time for a relationship to change. Not necessarily end, of course. You may not want to change your relationship with this person to something else, but if you really care for him, it's worth trying.

  4. I do not have to worry about my slave husband sitting to pee, she is in diapers 24/7!She changes herself at my permission, washes the cloth ones and plastic panties. Soiled diapers are kept im a pail in her nursery where only she gets to smell them. As far as furniture sitting she is only allowed in her play pen or crib. She does all the house work, satisifies me sexually and gets humiliated by all my girl friends. A great relationship!

    Mistress Denise