Sunday, November 13, 2011

Mistressness (and lack thereof)

I'm in a really amazing place in my life right now. I'm very very content.

I've figured out who my real friends are and I'm working to cultivate those relationships. My new job is going great and I'm really enjoying the people I work with and this new challenging chapter of my career. Relationship-wise there are a few people in my life but none are serious. And I feel really ok with the lack of pressure that not being in a relationship provides.

I feel more content with my life than I have in years. 

So imagine my surprise to find myself in weird place in regards to D/s lately. I have been feeling a distinct lack of Mistressness.

I've been having some amazing vanilla sex with a sub, but we haven't been playing. It's not that I haven't had the desire to bring D/s into the things we've been doing. It just hasn't felt right. And of course our sex is more than just a little bit kinky. But I wouldn't call it playing. I'd call it deliciously vanilla. And I have been more than just a little bit happy with that.

Bon-bon has not been at my disposal for playing much lately. Perhaps it was because I was getting laid in the traditional sense but I hadn't been really really craving play until about two weeks ago. Luckily, that was at about the time when bon-bon's schedule enabled him to spend some quality time with me. And by quality time I mean time bent over the arm of my sofa.

Ok maybe I had not TOTALLY lost my D/s desires.

As much as I enjoyed bending bon-bon over, something just still wasn't right. I felt it even with my long distance subs. Or rather, I just wasn't feeling it. The writer has been amazingly patient and has continued to crank out my personalized erotica, but I haven't had the desire to play with him, not even to give him an assignment.

Part of it is time. My new job means I'm spending more time in the office and less time planning pervy endeavors. But it's been something else, too. Something I haven't been able to put my finger on.

What I've found interesting about it all is that even though I haven't felt very Mistress-y lately, I've still been amazingly happy. Super content with my life. I guess I've thought that D/s has been such a big part of my life that I needed it to be happy. As it turns out, I don't need it.

But I want it. Mmmm do I want it!

Whatever it was, it's over. I found it again. Last night I played with bon-bon and it was amazing. AHH MAZING. I felt great. In control.

She's BACK. And chock full of Mistressness!

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