Tuesday, August 20, 2013


So I've been dating this vanilla guy for almost five months. Nothing serious, rather casual.

I like the way he asks me questions that make me think almost as much as I like the way he fucks me. 

The very first time he fucked me, I was a purring pile of goo when he left. Sated and happy, I remember laying in my bed thinking, "If I could have that kind of vanilla sex all of the time, I might be able to live without kink."

Shocking, I know. 

That euphoria lasted several hours and then the urge to dominate men returned again. Men, just not him. I didn't have the urge to dominate him then and haven't in the almost five months since. 

There's something refreshing about having a relationship without a D/s dynamic. It's freeing somehow. That's not to say we haven't talked a lot about kink. He's a curious guy and I'm not one to flinch from an interrogation. I've even occasionally been guilty of over sharing. So I've told him a lot about the things I've done and why. He's even read a few of my blogs. 

I haven't hidden my world from him.  He even follows me on twitter. 

"Sometimes when I read a Mistress Lilyana tweet, I don't think that it's you. You say stuff as Lilyana that isn't you."

"It's very much me it's just a side of me you've never seen."

"Don't get mad, but to me it's a character you play."

"You've never seen that side of me. But if you asked my close friends that have, they'd tell you it's not a persona, it's me."

Because he's never even seen a hint of the Domme within, I totally get why he'd assume Lilyana is some character I pretend to be. I just feel zero reason to be a dominant when I'm with him so I'm not. I'm just plain ole everyday me. 

I've dated Doms and vanilla guys before and although I've typically been able to keep my Domme urges in check, I've always had them. I've sometimes fought those urges but I've always had them.

But with this guy, I simply have no Domme urges at all. None.

"You're the Lilyana antidote. It's YOUR fault! I've date hard core bad ass Doms that haven't done this to me. Congrats."

"Antidote or Kryptonite?"


"Or truth serum?"

"Nah. Kryptonite maybe."


  1. I'm really glad I read this, this morning. Made me smile. :)

  2. Mistress Lilyana,

    I was very glad to see a post from you today when I logged on. If I remember correctly, a few months back you posted on finding yourself a situation similar to this. I think the fact that you have found your way into a casual relationship that doesn't require your need to dominate him may be a good thing.
    You mentioned that you have shared your Dominant sides with him, besides the disbelief that you are the woman we all know via this blog, how does he react to your dominant tendencies when you describe them or he reads about on your blogs? If his reaction is positive, or could become positive once he realizes that you are who you say you are, then I think this situation is even better than first thought for you.

    Have you dominated other men since you began dating him? Does he know? How does he feel about it?

    Im excited to see how this plays out for you, and congratulations for finding someone who you can enjoy.

    P.S Every once in a while , Miss Jessica will want some regular old vanilla sex with me, and to be honest, it is usually great for both of us, sometimes even a refreshing change, but I have learned, my desire to be dominated by her always returns sooner than later. So I understand your situation, likely not kryptonite,or antidote, or truth serum..... Most likely just good refreshing vanilla sex with a guy you like. But hey, whats wrong with that?


    1. He asks me a ton of questions but rarely shows much of a reaction. I think he "gets" a lot of it (probably because he's naturally dominant) but there are things he just doesn't understand.

      Yes, I've dominated guys since we've been together and yes, he knows about it. I'm not sure how he felt about other than not understanding why someone would let me do the things to them that I do to my subs. He clearly doesn't "get" that part.

      I've always said that intellectually, I need the kink but that physically, I need vanilla sex. I considered your suggestion - that maybe I'm just in a phase where I need vanilla sex more than kink, but I think it's more than that. I still have the urges to dominate, just not him.

      The whole thing baffles and amuses me but yeah, I intend to enjoy him. And no, there's nothing wrong with that!