Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Being the kinkiest person in the room

Before my FMT and I broke up recently, we'd decided to trying swinging. We are both passionate, open minded people and we've both considered swinging with other partners and just never gone through with it. We've both engaged in threesomes with other partners and really really enjoyed the experiences. And after a year of seeing each other and talking about it, we were ready to do this with each other.

My ex boyfriend from college swings and he credits me from his lifestyle choice but that's probably another blog. In any case, he knows of my BDSM proclivities and was very interested to learn I was going to try swinging. When I asked him why, he cited first the "tension" between the swinging lifestylers and the BDSM lifestylers. Being in the swinging lifestyle, he knew that most BDSM lifestylers look down upon swingers. And that swingers don't really understand BDSM lifestylers.

"I don't care what the BDSMers think about me swinging. This is what I want to do and so I'm going to do it. But now what are the swingers going to think about me?"

"Oh they're going to find you fascinating. They're used to being the kinkiest people on the room."

So my FMT and I set about the process of screening couples for our first swap. Not ones to do anything half ass when it comes to sex, we agreed to full swap, same room and didn't exclude the option of each of us playing independently. This immediately placed us in the kinkiest of the swingers without any mention of my own BDSM lifestyle choices.

And the swingers do find me fascinating

They ask me questions about what I'm into. Now when I get this question from a BDSM lifestyler, it's easy to respond. Erotic rope bondage, erotic humiliation, CBT, chastity, tease and denial, impact play, body worship, forced bi, etc.

But when a swinger lifestyler asks what I'm into, it's a bit of a struggle to answer. My standard answer is "oral" and "I'm very bi." I can't shock them with what I'm really into. I don't tell them I find it entertaining to make a guy eat his own cum. But I do tell them about the softer aspects of my BDSM interests. Even swingers think it's hot that I enjoy tying someone up and teasing them. Surprisingly, I've even run across some men who are interested in or who already enjoy strap on sex.

Being the kinkiest person in the room, or at least the kinkiest person they know, means I get very generic questions like "What does BDSM entail?" or "What does you mean when you say you are Dominant?" These questions continue to give me pause and make me really think before I answer. In a way I feel like an ambassador for BDSM in these moments. I want to dispel the cliche image they have of the leather-clad whip-wielding Dominatrix but I don't want to shock them with the reality of what I'm into either.

My ex boyfriend recently asked how the swinging was going and I told him I feel like the hot new Swedish exchange student because everyone is so obviously intrigued by me.

I'm enjoying being new to the lifestyle but still being the kinkiest person in the room.

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