With the number of guys I screen, for the position of submissive as well as that of my boyfriend, you'd think I have a set of standard questions I ask. An interview process.
I do not.
I tend to let the get to know each other thing unfold naturally. Truth be told, I enjoy seeing what kind of initiative a guy will take in asking me things. It's often a good indicator of his level of interest in me. The types of questions he asks also tells me if he's interested in me for more than just sex and/or my Domme skills.
I do pepper the conversation with casual questions of my own. I ask about their family, in particular about their nieces and nephews and how close they are with them. I ask them to tell me about their best friend. And from these types of questions I can learn how much (or little) he values relationships.
There are others I ask that help me determine if our likes/dislikes might mesh well. They're probably the same questions asked all over the world in various languages by people trying to get to know one another.
My current favorite question to ask is "What kind of porn do you watch?"
Let's face it. Everyone watches porn. But the style of porn that you choose is very telling.
I recently asked this of a guy I grew up with and reconnected with a few years ago. He knows I'm Dominant. He's one of three people I grew up with that know. I've suspected that beneath his tough guy exterior was a boy who was submissive in the bedroom even though he's never hinted at any submissive like fantasies. I suspected because I saw his interactions with his ex wife. I've also seen indications in his writing when he describes his ideal relationship.
This guy and I have known each other probably 27 years. We're closer now that we ever were before but it's almost familial.
So we're talking about porn one night and I ask this guy, this man who is like a brother to me, "What kind of porn do you watch?"
Without hesitation he answers, "CFNM and the ones where the guy gets taken while he's sleeping."
I burst out laughing. First, he has stunned me by using the term CFNM (clothed female nude male). Of course I know what it means but I dare say most men do not. Secondly, he has confirmed what I've suspected; that he's sexually submissive.
I told him this. He admitted it's probably true in a non-begrudging way. And now he calls me Mistress.
A few times I've be surprised with the answers. The 40-something cable guy with the black silk sheets, for instance.
I recently asked this of a local Dom friend of mine. "Blood red, 350 thread count, Italian cotton."
I was instantly wet. "That's hot." He knew his thread count, he described the color precisely. Hell he even knew where the cotton came from. Hotness.
"Silk is overrated. Rubber is too hot. Flannel is awesome. And a huge feather mattress and feather comforter."
Yum. I love it when a man cares about his bed. That means he'll care about taking care of me while I'm in it.