Thursday, October 29, 2009

How to pique my interest

Let's face it. There are way more male submissives than truly Dominant women. This allows me to be very particular about who I choose to date and/or play with.

I can't speak for every other femdom, but I can tell you what I like to see, what behavior from a man piques my interest in him and his submission.

1. Be honest.
You'd think this would be a given, but sadly, it is not. Your relationship status impacts what types of interaction I'll be interested in. I'm always open for friendship, even with married guys, but if you aren't upfront about your status and it becomes evident later that you have a significant other, I'll lose all interest in you altogether.

Relationship status isn't the only area where I expect honesty. You should be honest in every area. And don't just tell me what you think I want to hear. You can be respectful and honest at the same time.

2. Tell me about the vanilla you.
If you're contacting me, I'm going to assume you're kinky. I promise that we'll have lots and lots of discussions about those kinky desires, yours and mine, but for me to even want to bother learning more, I need to know about what kind of man you are outside the bedroom.

3. Don't send me unsolicited nude pics.
Physical attraction is important, no doubt. And yes, if I'm even remotely interested in you and your submission, I'll want to see pictures of you. When that time comes, don't send me pictures of your cock, please. While a beautiful cock is a plus, I need to see your face because if all goes well, I'll be spending much more time looking at it than your cock.

4. Be respectful but don't worry so much about D/s protocol.
I enjoy being called Mistress. I even like it when subs use the capitalized pronouns when referring to me in writing. However, I don't require it. When I'm ready for you to call me Mistress, I'll let you know. Until then you should just call me Lilyana or Miss but never baby, honey or anything overly familiar.

5. Tell me why you desire me.
This isn't about massaging my ego. This is about letting me know you appreciate the things about me that make me unique. It also lets me know you're paying attention.

6. Let me know you're thinking about me.
Very little pleases me more than knowing a man is thinking about me. A text, short email or well worded IM letting me know I'm on your mind tells me I'm more to you than a fleeting desire for kink.

7. Do what you say you're going to do.
If you tell me you're going to do something, just do it. I understand that sometimes life gets in the way, truly I do. And when that happens, communicate and let me know. Otherwise I expect you to do what you say you're going to do. Anything less will disappoint me.

8. Don't be a doormat.
I want a boy who will submit to my desires, particularly in the bedroom. But I also need to be able to respect him. A little fear displayed in a scene can be hot but I don't want to see any evidence you're easily intimidated. Show me a little playful spunkiness but do so respectfully and I will be intrigued.

9. Be intelligent. If you aren't, at least be able to keep up.
I don't expect every boy to be a rocket scientist, but you should be able to speak to me about a range of subjects and do so intelligently enough to prevent me from becoming bored. Witty banter gets me hot so the better you're able to engage me in a playful way, the more interested I'll be in you.

10. Manage your jealousy effectively.
I find as a general rule that prospective male subs are not a jealous bunch. And there is something sweet about a sub's interest in what I'm doing with other subs now or have done with them in the past. However, there's a line where that interest that seems so sweet becomes something that feels like jealousy.

There's nothing wrong with letting me know you know that other men desire me in the ways that you do. In fact, I love that. It reminds me that you appreciate me. But don't be creepy about it. Remember that I'm in charge here and while I'll certainly take your concerns into consideration, in the end, I'm the one who decides how and when I'll interact with other guys.

11. Be ready to read about yourself or be ready to never read my blog or never follow my tweets.
It takes a pretty special guy to take me on knowing that I'll be tweeting and blogging about my adventures with him. And my adventures with whatever other men and/or women I decide to spend time with while we're together. I'll certainly be respectful of your privacy and would never do anything that would "out" you in the real world. To do so would also "out" myself and that's unacceptable. However, I know what steps to take to protect myself and you and will do everything I can in that vein. You'll just have to trust me on that one.

I'll probably tell you when I write about you. I find that it often adds to the humiliation. I may even post your naughty pics or share them with my Domme friends. Be prepared to read any of the sordid details in our encounters. If this is too much for you, be prepared to know it's happening but never look at my writing or tweets.

This list is, by all means, not meant to be complete. I've gotta keep 'em guessing. ;)


  1. Excellent post-you nailed it right from the start.Be honest!

  2. i imagine knowing You're deep inside someone's head, even when You're not with them,is exhilarating.... for Someone who enjoys control.

    Your site is very thought provoking... thank You for sharing.

  3. Thanks Teresa! Honesty is pretty much everything.

    Yes, I do so enjoy being in someone's head. :)

  4. I have run into your blog recently, which is why I am responding to an older post of yours.

    Your description of yourself is enticing. If I were free, I could imagine connecting with you. The outcome would be fascinating. As it is, I am committed for life to my lover, my life, my queen. Just so you know that there are men out there who would be willing, given the right circumstances. I hope you have a great life.

    By the way, I can't leave a comment on your earlier posts, and the email option also flunks. The links to earlier posts are flaky. I would love to read from the beginning, but it just does not work.